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What’s the Real Meaning of Family?

July 4, 2011 by

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On June 28, 2011, I received this Message from God, “On this day of your life, Rebecca, we believe God wants you to know … that family is not a name for a group of people, but the quality of relationships between them. Relationships grounded in mutual love, trust, caring and forgiveness. In all the ups and all the downs of life. Look closely, – who is really your family, and who in truth are just strangers in for the ride? ” Amen! You can find the ‘Message from God’ app on Facebook. A few minutes before I read this message, I commented on a blog post about Choice. I wrote, “I now ‘choose’ to do what I want when I want. I’m no longer bound by ‘family’ duty and obligation. I say “no” and mean it; I say “yes” and mean it.” Coincidence, I think not.

As a society, we get caught up in the definition of family. According the Merriam Webster, family has the following definitions:

1. a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : household

2 a. a group of persons of common ancestry : clan
2 b. a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : race

3 a. a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : fellowship
3 b. the staff of a high official (as the President)

4. a group of things related by common characteristics: as
4 a. a closely related series of elements or chemical compounds
4 b. a group of soils with similar chemical and physical properties (as texture, pH, and mineral content) that comprise a category ranking above the series and below the subgroup in soil classification.
4 c. a group of related languages descended from a single ancestral language

5 a. the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family
5 b. spouse and children <want to spend more time with my family>

Who has the right to tell any of us what the meaning of family is? I often think about children in foster care, where is there family? What about gays, lesbians, and transgender who are disowned by their ‘family’ because they just want to be who they are? For me, I no longer buy into the ‘traditional’ meaning of family. Most people would agree their family members are a piece of work. This is why people move out-of-state or visit family during the holidays. They don’t like to be around them or their drama-rama.

Relationships grounded in mutual love, trust, caring and forgiveness. In all the ups and all the downs of life. Look closely, – who is really your family, and who in truth are just strangers in for the ride?

You get to choose who you want in your family, and this doesn’t necessarily mean blood ties. Some of your ‘blood relations’ may be toxic to you. Do you really want to be around people who always complain and whine about their life? What about people who are energy vampires? Being around toxic people is not healthy for your mind, body, and soul.

The next time you feel guilty about forgoing family functions, stop and think if your ‘family’ is really your family. If you had a choice, would you hand pick these people to be in your life? Are your family relationships built on love, honesty, integrity, trust, forgiveness, and understanding? Or, are they built on duty, guilt, people pleasing, and obligation? Think about it. You’re no longer a child and don’t have to listen to your parents. You can choose who you want to be in your family, and who’s a long for the ride.

Rebecca

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7 Ways to Kick the Co-Dependency Habit

July 1, 2011 by
An L-kick

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Is co-dependency wreaking havoc on your life? I never realized how many co-dependent people were in my family. This doesn’t sit well with me because I’m a strong, independent woman who enjoys doing things for me. Before I ask for help, I research a problem and exhaust all resources. After I’m convinced that I need help, I seek it out. I don’t automatically ask for help without trying to figure something out on my own. Besides, I love a good challenge and wouldn’t want to miss out on an opportunity to learn something new. I set goals because they suit me not to please others. I also don’t expect people to ‘guess’ what I need — I tell them. One of my favorite quotes is, “What others think of me is none of my business.” Adopting this into your life could set you free.

Most people ask for help without seeking solutions to their problems. Their co-dependent ways can be a turn-off and irritate the people around them. Think about the people in your life. Do they turn to you every time they have a problem? How do they react when you ask them, “Did you try this or that?” Do they get mad or upset? Do they play the ‘poor me, victim, or I’m helpless” card? On the flip side, if you attract co-dependent people into your life, you may want to examine “why” this happens. Perhaps, you have a tendency to ‘save’ (rescue archetype) everyone who crosses your path. What are you getting out of this? How is it serving you? How is it serving others? Perhaps, you attract these people because you want to feel needed and love. There’s a big difference between wanting to help because you want to versus needing to help because you get something out it.

7 Ways to Kick the Codependency Habit

1. Journal your thoughts and feelings about co-dependency. Examine where you tend to be co-dependent in your life. What is your self-worth?

2. What are you afraid of? Being independent? Not hurting another person’s feelings? What’s stopping you from kicking the co-dependency habit?

3. Before you ask others for help, try to solve your own problems.

4. Stop believing and feeling you’re responsible for ‘fixing’ the problems of the people in your life.

5. Examine if you set goals based on what people will think of you. Do you seek their approval?

6. Stop manipulating others with your moods. For example, “I’m unhappy; therefore, you should stop what you’re doing and take care of me.”

7. Start telling people what you need instead of leaving them to guess.

If you want to improve your relationships, you may want to break the ‘co-dependency’ habit. Controlling others won’t work and can push them right out of your life. Stop telling people what to do — it’s not your job. They need to find their own path and figure it out. If they need your help, they’ll ask for it. It’s too exhausting and unhealthy for the people in your life to have to guess what you want and for you to set goals based on gaining their approval. Your goals are your goals; others may not understand ‘why’ you want to set and reach them. They don’t have to.

Break the co-dependency habit today, and live a happier, stress free life tomorrow!

Rebecca

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How to Stand in Your Power with Family

June 8, 2011 by
Cover of "Angels and Spirit Guides"

Cover of Angels and Spirit Guides

I’m the type of person that likes to live by the motto “Live and let live.” I don’t bother anyone and respect that people have their lives to live. What they do has absolutely nothing to with me or my happiness. For example, if my sister said to me, “I’m moving to Charleston, SC. Bye!” My response would be, “Fantastic! Good luck to you! Let me know when you’re settled, I’d love to visit.” I wouldn’t go on and on how she was leaving me, her kids (actually it would be my 17-year-old niece who’s heading to college in the fall), or our mother. My sister turns 45 on September 30 and can do what she wants. My happiness doesn’t depend on her living 15 minutes away for me. I also couldn’t force her to live in the Southwest which is where I want to move back to. Why is it that certain family members, who aren’t healthy for you, insist on pushing their way back into your life? How do you stand in your power and gently say, “No, thank you?”

How to stand in your power with family

1. Be honest. Sometimes you need to tell people what you think of them. Stay calm and don’t raise your voice.

2. Say “No” and mean it. If you disappoint or ‘tick-off’ people, oh well! If you say “Yes,” when you want to say “No,” you’ll be miserable and won’t come from a place of authenticity or love.

3. Learn to be disliked. This is a tough one for most people, especially women. I realized this is an issue for me. I’d rather be happy than hang out with people whom I don’t want to hang out with. I’d rather be happy and do my own thing than be sucked into drama.

4. Call upon your angels, spirit guides, and ascended masters. I’ve been doing this, but I do question if it works. I still call upon Archangel Michael, God, Quan Yin, and others to help guide me and release people and situations from my life that are toxic to me.

5. Step out in nature. Being in nature can refresh you. Go to the park or sit outside. Allow your mind to wander, listen to the birds sing, or watch the clouds in the sky. Walk in the grass or hug a tree. Give all your stress to Mother Earth and allow it to be transmuted into love.

6. Love you! No matter what, love and accept yourself. Remember, you are responsible for you and no one else.

I have great respect for people who own who they are. They don’t give a flying leap about what others think. They live their lives the way they want to without a care in the world. They’re very powerful and have no guilt about telling people what they think of them. I strive to be like this. I feel as if certain people are siphoning my light and energy from me; it’s really starting to irritate me.

I’ve studied metaphysical and spiritual topics now for four years and according to all of the authors I’ve read, all of us have angels and spirit guides who supposed to help us. I’m constantly giving people and situations to God and the angels so they can deal with it. Why isn’t it working? I have no desire to be around people who drain me. To quote Abraham-Hicks, “One minute you’re in the vortex and the next minute you’re out. What happened?”

I’ve learned that I must stand in my power and be who I am. If I don’t accept who I am, I won’t be happy. And when I’m not happy, no one will be happy. It’s like that saying, “Happy wife, happy life!” Seriously though, no one has the right to infringe upon your space and serenity. I like what Oprah said on her farewell show, “Don’t wait for someone to save you, save yourself. Take responsibility for your own life.” I wish certain family members of mine would hear this.

Rebecca

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