7 Ways to Kick the Co-Dependency Habit

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Is co-dependency wreaking havoc on your life? I never realized how many co-dependent people were in my family. This doesn’t sit well with me because I’m a strong, independent woman who enjoys doing things for me. Before I ask for help, I research a problem and exhaust all resources. After I’m convinced that I need help, I seek it out. I don’t automatically ask for help without trying to figure something out on my own. Besides, I love a good challenge and wouldn’t want to miss out on an opportunity to learn something new. I set goals because they suit me not to please others. I also don’t expect people to ‘guess’ what I need — I tell them. One of my favorite quotes is, “What others think of me is none of my business.” Adopting this into your life could set you free.

Most people ask for help without seeking solutions to their problems. Their co-dependent ways can be a turn-off and irritate the people around them. Think about the people in your life. Do they turn to you every time they have a problem? How do they react when you ask them, “Did you try this or that?” Do they get mad or upset? Do they play the ‘poor me, victim, or I’m helpless” card? On the flip side, if you attract co-dependent people into your life, you may want to examine “why” this happens. Perhaps, you have a tendency to ‘save’ (rescue archetype) everyone who crosses your path. What are you getting out of this? How is it serving you? How is it serving others? Perhaps, you attract these people because you want to feel needed and love. There’s a big difference between wanting to help because you want to versus needing to help because you get something out it.

7 Ways to Kick the Codependency Habit

1. Journal your thoughts and feelings about co-dependency. Examine where you tend to be co-dependent in your life. What is your self-worth?

2. What are you afraid of? Being independent? Not hurting another person’s feelings? What’s stopping you from kicking the co-dependency habit?

3. Before you ask others for help, try to solve your own problems.

4. Stop believing and feeling you’re responsible for ‘fixing’ the problems of the people in your life.

5. Examine if you set goals based on what people will think of you. Do you seek their approval?

6. Stop manipulating others with your moods. For example, “I’m unhappy; therefore, you should stop what you’re doing and take care of me.”

7. Start telling people what you need instead of leaving them to guess.

If you want to improve your relationships, you may want to break the ‘co-dependency’ habit. Controlling others won’t work and can push them right out of your life. Stop telling people what to do — it’s not your job. They need to find their own path and figure it out. If they need your help, they’ll ask for it. It’s too exhausting and unhealthy for the people in your life to have to guess what you want and for you to set goals based on gaining their approval. Your goals are your goals; others may not understand ‘why’ you want to set and reach them. They don’t have to.

Break the co-dependency habit today, and live a happier, stress free life tomorrow!


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Warning! Working With People Maybe Killing You!

Most people cannot stand to go to work. When Sunday comes around, they are already dreading going to work. Perhaps it’s because the boss or another employee makes their blood boil or stomach do “flip-flops!” Most people have experienced an overbearing, rude, or negative boss, co-worker, or employee at some point in their career. It is becoming a job requirement to know how to work with all types of people.

“In their book, “Working with You is Killing Me — Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work,” (Warner Business Books, 2006), Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster offer advice on how to recognize a co-worker problem and provide tools for dealing with them professionally and effectively.” See MSN.CareerBuilder for further reference.

Do not allow people to take your power! Most people do things to get a reaction out of others. Once they know what buttons to push, they will do it all of the time. Here’s a saying that you can say to yourself if you find yourself in a negative situation at work: “I’m rubber, your glue, your negative energy bounces of a me and sticks to you!” You may even find that a smile forms across your face.

Some people are very insecure or in so much pain that they do not know how to deal with their issues. It is not your job to “fix people.” It’s your job to monitor your thoughts and feelings. When a person is “getting on your nerves,” walk away as fast as you can. Think about something that makes you happy, like a new job. Be sure to thank your current job for providing you with experience and a salary, then start looking for a new job.

The workplace is full of people. The key is to know how to deal with all personalities types. Remember, it’s just a job and not your life. Another way to deal with toxic people is an attitude of gratitude. You can thank God you are not related or married to these people! Can you imagine Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner? It would be an exciting day which would make you want to be at work instead of spending the holiday with them.

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How to Avoid Desk Rage in the Workplace

Work relationships can be pleasant or very intense. Employers must be aware of “desk rage.” Just like road rage, desk rage can be deadly. Employees are overworked, underpaid, and stressed out to the max! Mix in a little economic uncertainty, debt, and family troubles into the pot and employers have a recipe for disaster in the workplace. Before employers know it, they have a mess that may not be easy to clean up with disciplinary action such as firing.

What is desk rage? People who come to work that are angry, grumpy, ill-tempered, insulting, or worse. Anything from acts such as impatience, yelling, gossiping, backstabbing, throwing things, stealing office supplies, and abusing sick days are part of desk rage.

What causes desk rage? Americans who are coping with woes of rising costs, debt, family problems, and job uncertainty suffer from desk rage. Employees with the least power are more than likely to show desk rage because they feel they are at the mercy of everyone else. Those who do not seek help to deal with their emotions in a more healthy way are a disaster waiting to happen.

What can employees and employers do about desk rage? Breathing and walking are great ways to “cool off” the emotions. Taking 10 deep breaths and focusing on each breath is a great way to calm down. Getting up and going for a walk is another technique that will help to curb desk rage. Not only is walking great exercise but it is a way for people to change their focus.

How to avoid desk rage? Change your thoughts, change your life. A job is just that, it’s a job. If employees feel that their “job” is their life then they have deeper issues to resolve. Don’t buy into the doom and gloom speak of others. Many people thrive in good and bad economic times. Choose to think your own thoughts.

Listening to and partaking in gossip will come back to haunt you. Just because some employees have gathered around the water cooler to talk about “Bob” does not mean you have to join in the conversation. Remember the saying, “what goes around comes around” and it will get you. Karma is powerful; we’re all in this together.

Another way to avoid desk rage is to have an “attitude of gratitude.” Employees could be grateful they have jobs because others have lost theirs. Just something to think about before performing an act of desk rage.

To learn more about what causes “desk rage” and how to prevent it, please visit News.Yahoo.com and MSNBC.com.