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Are Your Kids, Bosses, Partners, Neighbors…Your Handlers?

April 20, 2023 by

In today’s society, many people are in positions of power where they have the responsibility of caring for others. Whether it’s a caregiver, teacher, or mentor, certain individuals are entrusted with the care of others. While most of these people are responsible and caring, there are those who use their position to manipulate and control those under their care. These people are known as handlers, and they can be very dangerous.

What are Handlers?

Handlers are people who have immediate physical charge of another person, meaning they have the power to control that person’s actions, decisions, and movements. Handlers often exhibit narcissistic tendencies, meaning they have an inflated sense of self-importance and a lack of empathy for others. They may believe that they are entitled to control others, and they may use their position of power to manipulate and control those around them. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Health and Wellness, Personal Development, Relationships

7 Warning Signs You’re about to Marry the Wrong Man

September 16, 2014 by

Are you engaged to be married?

You may think that you’ve found Mr. Right, but think again.

Why?

Because love can be blind, and you ignore red flags that you’re about to marry the wrong man.

Let’s face it; when you fall in love, you’re on cloud nine and thrilled that you’ve found a partner whom you can spend the holidays such as Valentine’s Day with, someone to snuggle up to on a cold night.

But, do you know your man like you think you do? How well do you know his family?

In the beginning, your relationship may be sugar and spice and everything nice, but as you get to know each other, you may see your significant other in a different light.

Before you walk down the aisle and say “I Do,” check out the warning signs that you’re about to marry the wrong man. Save yourself from heartache now rather than later.

7 Warning Signs You’re about to Marry the Wrong Man

Learn the 7 Warning Signs You're about to Marry the Wrong Man.
1. He’s a mama’s boy.

You may think it’s admirable that your fiancé’s mother cooks and cleans for him, but what do you think will happen when you’re married? That’s right. You get to pick up where his mom left off. Do you want to be a wife to your husband or a mother? After all, you’ll most likely work 40 or more hours per week, like your husband. Shouldn’t there be equal household responsibilities?

2. He has control issues.

When you want to get your haircut, does your guy give you hard time? What about when you want to spend time with your friends? Does he insist on going with you? These are a couple of signs that your guy has control issues. Think twice before you get married, because control can turn into physical, mental and emotional abuse.

3. He will only hang out with his family and friends.

Ever notice how you spend most of your time with your fiancé’s family and friends? When this happens, your family and friends will feel neglected. Have a chat with your man and make it clear that there has to be a balance between hanging out with both sides of the family and both sets of friends. If he disagrees, you may want to rethink his proposal.

4. He doesn’t say, “I love you.”

Some guys have a difficult time saying, “I love you.” But you’d like to hear him say those words, right? Have a heart-to-heart with your guy and get to the root of why he can’t express his feelings. Perhaps he was taught that a man is not supposed to show his feelings. If this is the case, reassure him that it’s OK for him to be vulnerable. If it’s not the case, you’ll have to think about whether or not you can live without hearing your husband say, “I love you.”

5. He puts you down in public and private.

Do you want to marry someone who treats your like dirt and doesn’t respect you? When you’re married, do you think your husband will stop insulting you? Maybe, if he seeks counseling. Then again, maybe his family has a pathology or history of abuse. Perhaps he saw his mother treated horribly by his father. Think about the kind of marriage you’ll have. Think about the kind of marriage you deserve and want.

6. Your future mother-in-law runs his life.

Do you notice how your man has to call his mother when he gets home from work or a night out with you? Does he discuss his finances with his mother and allow her to make decisions about his financial future? If you think this will stop when you’re married, you could be in for a rude awakening. How much do you want your mother-in-law involved in your married life?

7. His finances are out-of-control.

Have you discussed finances? For example, does your guy have credit card debt that he’s not paying off? Does he have a checking and/or savings account? How about an investment portfolio? Before you commit to marriage, discuss finances. You want to create a solid financial future together as husband and wife. Think long and hard about entering into a marriage that’s riddle with financial catastrophe. You don’t want to ruin your credit, do you?

So, there you have it.

The seven warning signs you’re about to marry the wrong man.

When you notice red flags about the man you’re about to marry, think about if you want to get married. Have a conversation with your fiancé because it could save you time, money and possibly your life. Don’t feel bad if you want to call off your wedding. You won’t be the first woman to give an engagement ring back. It’s better to say, “I Don’t,” rather than to say “I Do” to a lifetime of misery.

Filed Under: Personal Development, Relationships

5 Mistakes You Can Make When Your Brother or Sister Gets a Divorce That Will Hurt Them and Their Kids

June 26, 2012 by

Let’s face it; divorce happens and it happens all too often.

When your sibling goes through a divorce and there are children involved, it’s usually not a good idea to pit one parent against the other by using their children. How is this helping? How is this being loving and supportive?

Children of Divorce

Teens whose parents are separated have their world turned upside down. They no longer have two parents living under the same roof, and they may find themselves being separated from their sibling(s) if their brother and or sister choose to live with mom and or dad.

Separation and divorce aren’t something that children expect, but it happens far too often these days.

The last thing children need is an aunt or uncle messaging them on Facebook and blasting them about not calling and or spending time with their mom and or dad. Unless you live with your nieces and nephews, you don’t know the whole story of what lead to their parents’ separation/divorce.

Divorce Hurts Everyone

Separation and divorce isn’t something that most married couples expect to happen. For the most part they believe they’ll have a ‘happily ever after,’ but that can turn sour once you’ve realized you married someone you have no desire to be married to anymore.

When you realize that it’s time to get out of your marriage, you don’t need interference from family members who don’t know the entire story.

“Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass.” ~ Mary Kay Blakely

Aunts and uncles who stick their noses where it doesn’t belong don’t have their niece and nephew’s best interest at heart. If they did, they would offer to take them to the movies, on vacation, or just to have a chat. They would make it known to their niece and nephew that they are there for them no matter what instead of coming at them with ‘guns blazing’ through Facebook or some other social media website.

Don’t Play the Victim for Your Sibling 

If your sibling’s separation/divorce is painful then he or she could speak up about it. They could seek help from a psychologist and or life coach. Plus, if they truly cared about their spouse and children, they would do everything in their power to get them back instead of sitting on the sidelines and feeling sorry for themselves.

Sometimes, a spouse will act more like a child than an adult when they experience a separation or divorce. They lash out and throw temper tantrums. They whine and pout. And they try to get someone else to fight their battles. This doesn’t help your sibling — it only hurts them.

Anyone who’s had a sibling experience and separation, divorce, and or dissolution understands that it’s not an easy process. It’s mentally, emotionally, and financially draining. There are no winners in a divorce. The losers are usually the children because some parents expect them to take sides. This isn’t fair to kids.

So what could siblings do when their brother and or sister goes through a divorce, separation or dissolution?

5 Mistakes You Can Make When Your Brother or Sister Gets a Divorce That Will Hurt Them and Their Kids

Don’t message your niece and nephew through Facebook. Don’t send your niece and nephew a rude text message or IM them. If you really cared about them, you would pick up the phone and call them to see how they’re doing. You would offer to take them to the movies and out to dinner. You’d offer them the opportunity to go with you on vacation. If you haven’t given your niece and nephew the time of day, why would they care what you have to say?

Don’t mud sling. If you start throwing mud at your soon-to-be ex sister-in-law and or brother-in-law and their parents and siblings, you’ll only make them look good, especially in the eyes of the court. Bullying and harassing through Facebook is a ‘hot topic’ right now, and you could find yourself in deep doo-doo if you start slandering or defaming a person’s character. You may find yourself in a lot of trouble if you make false accusations and assumptions.

Don’t assume. In case you don’t know what assume means it means…”Don’t make an ‘ass out of you and me.” Unless you lived with your brother/sister and their kids, you have absolutely no idea what went on in their home. You weren’t there 24/7 — you don’t have all of the facts. Don’t assume that your niece and nephew lived in a wonderful and loving environment. Don’t assume that the home your niece and nephew lived in was neat and clean and not filled with the stench of cigarette smoke or animal urine. Don’t assume that your sibling was an attentive parent. Get the facts before you assume.

Don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. Unless you have something positive to add to your sibling’s divorce, stay out of it. It has nothing to do with you. Only in extreme cases is it a good idea to get involved. But if it’s a matter of two people who’ve grown a part, allow them to handle it. You’re denying both parties the opportunity to learn life lessons if you try to ‘fix’ the situation.

Don’t tell your niece and nephew how they ‘should’ feel. You have no business ‘shoulding’ all over your niece and nephew. They have every right to feel angry, confused, pissed off, sad, etc. Give them a break; their lives have been turned upside down thanks to their parents splitting up. Allow kids to process their feelings in a healthy manner. Telling them how to act or how they should feel will backfire on you.

So…Will you stop being an ass of an aunt and or uncle for the sake of your niece and nephew? Will you let them experience their feelings? Will you allow them the decency to express themselves, the good, bad, and ugly?

If you don’t back off now, you’ll push your niece and nephew out of your life for a little while or for good. You probably didn’t think about that consequence. Remember the law of cause and effect states that for every cause there’s an effect, for every action there’s a reaction.

You can either be a loving and supportive aunt or uncle or you can be an overbearing bully. The choice is yours.

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What Conscious Women Want from Men Partners

February 19, 2012 by

This is a guest post from Dr. Jim Sharon. He’s a licensed psychologist and certified life coach and has served in private practice in Colorado since 1977, specializing in men’s issues, couples counseling,wellness and in practical spirituality. He co-owns Energy for Life with his wife Ruth and is the Founder/Coordinator of Whole Man Expo and Whole Man Network in the Denver metro area. 

What Conscious Women Want from Men Partners

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A “conscious” person is one whose attitudes/values and actions are centered on overall well-being and development of oneself and others, including the environment and planet.

I have been married 41 years to a highly-conscious woman and have raised two daughters who are steadily following in their mother’s footsteps. Also, I have about four decades of experience working with “conscious” women as a therapist, consultant and seminar facilitator. Based on my extensive experience, here are some key qualities in men partners that women seek:

  • Foremost, high-functioning women want their mates to deeply appreciate, cherish and respect them. They want to be experienced and listened to on a heart level. With an aversion to being dominated or controlled, these women are drawn to men who, like themselves, seek an egalitarian relationship. These guys tend to have both a collaborative and assertive nature. While directly expressing their viewpoints,they communicate and resolve conflicts in a clear, “clean” and respectful manner. Furthermore, they typically collaborate with their female partners in parenting,sharing household tasks/chores, and in joint decision-making.
  • Distinctly “conscious” women place a premium on mutual personal development and on growth as a couple. They are especially attracted to well-balanced men, who integrate traditional male and female traits—i.e. they are androgynous. Such men blend inner-direction with being active “in the world.” For example, in addition to enjoying career success and being sociable, these guys tend to be introspective, emotional and spiritually-based. Although desiring various forms of intimacy with their partners, “strong” women prefer a lot of independence and want their men to need considerable autonomy, as well.
  • Essentially, “self-possessed” women, who have genuine self-esteem, seek male partners who are clearly “comfortable in their own skins” and in turn, are available to champion and nurture their overall well-being.

To learn more about Dr. Sharon and his wife Ruth, please visit Energy for Life and Mens Anthology.

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How to Avoid Family Catastrophe on Facebook

August 13, 2011 by

Question: I’m not sure if I’m the only with this problem, but I’m finding Facebook to be a place for unnecessary drama. It’s my belief that social media can actually tear people apart instead of bring them together, especially family. I posted a status update and there was much ‘venom’ spilled over it. The people that ‘went off’ on me don’t even associate with me. I believe that if something ‘strikes a nerve within someone’ there’s something inside that person that could use healing; introspection is a good thing. The only reason I joined Facebook was to create fan pages for my websites and to converse with like-minded people. It wasn’t to connect with family members. I never felt connected to my family, even when I was a child. I always had a ‘feeling’ I belonged somewhere else and within another family. Help!

Answer: As far as I know, there isn’t a BIG BOOK that says, “Thou shall associate with family members, even though you have nothing in common or they’re toxic to you.” Sometimes, it’s in your best interest to cut ties with people. This includes family members. It’s your call. Always do what is best for you.

How to Avoid Family Catastrophe on Facebook

1. “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.” ~Oprah Unfortunately, some of these people may not be related to you. Accept this and move on. Don’t explain yourself — don’t drag others into the drama. Your mental health and overall well being are more important.

2. Don’t accept friend requests from family members who are more than likely to be frenemies. It’s not worth it. Stay away from energy vampires.

3. Set your privacy to the highest level possible. Sign into your account and do the following:

  • Create a ‘chat’ list and choose friends you want to chat with.
  • Block people from seeing your status updates and other information, by going into Privacy Settings and selecting Customize. This is where you can remove people from seeing your status updates and other information.
  • Go into Account Settings and adjust your email options.

4. Limit the amount of time you spend on Facebook.

It’s sad that it comes to this, but I’m speaking from personal experience. I recently posted a status update and WWIII broke out on my Personal Facebook Page. This is why I favor Twitter. You don’t have to have a personal account like you do with Facebook. You create a Twitter account with a whatever name you want — it could be a business name. There’s no going back and forth like there is on Facebook. Sure, you can follow ‘tweets’ or join a Twitter chat, but chances are your family members won’t be following you on Twitter. It’s something to think about. Sad, but true.

Rebecca
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Family Objects to Woman’s Childless Lifestyle

August 5, 2011 by
RakuKind

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Question: How can you make people, and by people I mean family members, understand you don’t or have a desire to have children? I knew from a very early age I wouldn’t have kids; I even told my mom this. She said to me, “If you have no desire to have children don’t have them. It’s not fair to have children just for the sake of having children.”

I don’t want the responsibility of being a parent. I love my nieces and nephews and spend time with them, but I hear family and friends complain all of the time they can’t do this or that because they have kids. They get upset when no one volunteers to watch their kids or offers to watch them so they can go out for a nice dinner. Quite frankly, these people chose to have kids. Perhaps they should have thought about how much responsibility children are. I did. By the way, I have pets so I do have responsibility — I have ‘fur’ kids. Lol!

Answer: Unfortunately, you can’t make anyone see your point-of-view. As long as you’re comfortable with your decision not to have children that’s all that matters. Don’t keep explaining ‘why’ you don’t want to have kids. Your family and friends won’t understand because your life is not theirs. Simply say, “It’s my life” and let it go.

Your family may not believe this, but not every woman is meant to be a mother. You either have a deep calling to be a mom or you don’t. On the flip side, this doesn’t mean you wouldn’t make a great step-mom (if you wanted to) because chances are children split their time between mom and dad; unless, of course, dad has fully custody. It will behoove you to be open and honest with potential love interests when the subject of children comes up. If you have no desire to have children or even be a step-mom, speak up before you’re too deep into the relationship. It’s not fair to string someone along.

Rebecca

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How to Protect Yourself from Energy Vampires

July 19, 2011 by
vampires

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Question: How do you know if you’ve come in contact with energy vampires? One moment I’m happy, the next I feel depressed and drained. I’ve noticed I feel this way after I’ve been around people I do and don’t know.

Answer: Energy or psychic vampires are people and situations that drain and suck the life force aka your energy from your body, mind, and soul. They can be family members, friends, spouses, life partners, co-workers, bosses, neighbors, PTA members, and anyone else who’s in your life. They drain you emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially. To preserve your health and wellness, you may have to end relationships with energy vampires.

Everyone has fallen prey to energy vampires, especially if you’re empathetic. You can’t help but feel compassion and empathy for people. Unfortunately, you probably absorb their energy or experience some sort of psychic attack. It’s necessary for you to ‘shield‘ or protect yourself from such attacks.

How to Protect Yourself from Energy Vampires

1. Limit the amount of time you spend with energy vampires. Surround yourself with open-minded, loving, and positive people. If you work with energy vampires, mentally say the following, “I’m rubber, your glue. Your stinky energy bounces off of me and back to you. I release and send you on your way.” Or, you could mentally write the name of the person on an envelope along with the words, “Return to sender with love,” and mentally drop it into a mailbox and send their energy back to them.

2. Say “No” and mean it. Give yourself permission to say “No” whenever you’re asked to do something or give something to someone. Energy vampires who try to get you to give them your time, money, advice, sympathy, etc. will receive the message loud and clear when you say “No” to them.

3. Use candles and crystals. Purchase a blue or white candle. After coming in contact with an energy vampire, light the candle and meditate on cutting your chords and removing toxins. Wearing or placing crystals such as hematite, snowflake obsidian, or black tourmaline in and around your home will protect your energy field and home from negativity and energy vampires. Note: wear a crystal over your heart.

4. Set strong boundaries. Set clear, firm boundaries with people. When an energy vampire begins to ‘dump’ their problems or life story on you, gently stop them. Say, “I understand you’re having your own Private Idaho, but I won’t participate in the drama.” You can also tell them you have to go or get back to work. You can have compassion and empathy for their situation without allowing them to ‘hook’ into your positive energy.

5. Take a sea salt bath or wash yourself with sea salt soap. Cleansing your body after an encounter with an energy vampire is important. Mentally see yourself clearing away the toxic energy and cutting your chords.

I’m rubber, your glue. Your stinky energy bounces off of me and back to you. I release and send you on your way! ~ R.A. Sebek

6. Protect your solar plexus chakra. Cross or fold your arms or place your purse (or another object) in front of your stomach whenever you speak with energy or potential energy vampires.

7. Call on Archangel Michael. Ask Archangel Michael to vacuum out any toxins and cut your chords to energy vampires. Ask him to place a blue, purple, or white light around you to serve as a barrier to any negative energy you encounter. This will transmute ‘icky’ energy in your aura field into positive energy.

8. Shields. You can mentally put a variety of shields around you such as mirrors facing outward; blue, purple, and or white light; visualize your spirit or power animal at your side, or ask your angels and or Archangel Michael to be by your side.

9. Perform Reiki on you or make an appointment with a practitioner. Reiki is a good way to clear psychic attacks. You’ll feel much better after receiving a Reiki treatment.

10. Laugh! A ‘wicked’ sense of humor is a great way to ward off energy vampires. Laughter is the best medicine!

The next time you experience a psychic attack or encounter an energy vampire, you’ll be prepared to handle it. If you ever feel depressed, angry, frustrated, aggravated, spiteful, revengeful, etc.; ask yourself “why” you’re feeling those types of feelings. Are they really yours or do they belong to someone else? What inside of you is benefiting from those feelings? Sometimes, you need to learn a lesson such as setting stronger boundaries or saying “No.” An encounter with a psychic vampire will teach you to do this. It’s a tough but an effective way to learn.

Realize that most psychic vampires experienced a trauma in their life; some have major stress. They aren’t aware of how they ‘suck’ the energy from people. Bless and send them on their way. As soon as you instinctively know you’re in the presence of an energy vampire, have compassion for them and keep conversations short or drop them altogether. Protect yourself and be grateful you have an awareness of energy vampires on how to protect yourself from them.

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Who Says Men Don’t like to Talk?

January 22, 2011 by

I was driving home from the noisy library; I couldn’t wait to get back to my home office. As I came down the snowy, slick street I was stopped by the stop sign and two guys; one was in a green pickup truck and the other was in a blue sedan. They were having chat. The one car was halfway onto the street where I was stopped and the other was around the corner from the stop sign. I was already miffed because the library was more like a loud bar, now I have two guys who couldn’t tear themselves away from each other. I mean, seriously, if you have important business to discuss, schedule a phone meeting or meet at the sports bar. Don’t hold up other drivers because you saw each other in passing on the road and felt compelled to stop. Please!

Men are like women. They like to chat when they see each other. They can’t wait to discuss who’ll win the Super Bowl or whatever sports championship. They get excited when they see each other and give each other ‘manly’ handshakes along with what I call a ‘pat-pat’ hug. They are in touch with their feminine side, even though they wouldn’t admit it.

Ladies, the next time your man says he doesn’t like to talk, remind him of the time someone caught him on the street with the window rolled down talking to his buddy. If your man can hold up traffic to stop and chat with his buddy, he can talk to you all night long!

Rebecca

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Stop Using Facebook If You’re Tired of Meddling Family Members

November 29, 2010 by

I read an advice piece written by Washington Post writer Carolyn Hax which is featured in The Plain Dealer on Monday’s. An irate mother wrote Carolyn and wanted to know how to handle her meddling family. The daughter of the irate mother posted a Facebook status about her engagement. Instead of calling grandma and other family members before she used Facebook to announce her soon-to-be wedded bliss, she used social media. A cousin saw the status and took it upon himself to call grandma and tell her the news. Now the mother of the bride is ticked off that her daughter didn’t have a chance to call grandma and tell her the good news herself. Who told the daughter to use Facebook to announce her engagement? If it was so important that she tell grandma herself, why didn’t she?

Facebook has become the ‘busy body’ of the 21st century. Years ago, people didn’t know what was really going on within families unless there was a family gossip who took it upon herself or himself to spread news like wildfire. Fast forward to the present and in the less than 2.5 seconds you can learn that your sister and husband are divorcing because he’s been cheating on her for the past three years!

Fact: Years ago, some neighborhoods used to have ‘busy bodies’ who knew their neighbors business. They could tell you who was cheating on who, who was getting a divorce, who was an alcoholic, and anything else you’d like to know!

It’s interesting how the mother kept blaming her family for meddling when it was her daughter that committed the ‘faux pas’ in the first place. If grandma is a priority, then the daughter should have picked up the phone and called her grandma. The mother should be thankful her daughter didn’t send grandma a text message!

The next time you find yourself getting upset with meddling family members, ask yourself why you’re using Facebook to post personal information about yourself. Perhaps it’s time to cool it with social media and go back to a time when people stuck their noses in their own business. Stop reading what everyone else is doing and focus on your own life for a change. If you don’t, it could pass you by and your Facebook status won’t make a difference!

Rebecca

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Tiger is Caught in the Woods of Life

December 3, 2009 by

The reports surrounding Tiger Woods car accident are keeping people on the edge of their seat. Did he have an affair? Did he have a couple of affairs? What really happened the night of the car accident? Only he and his wife know for sure what happened that night. The public may never know the truth.

Reports have surfaced that Tiger’s wife is cashing in on the prenuptial agreement they had. It’s speculated she’ll receive $5 Million now and possibly $55 Million if she stays with him for two more years. It puts marriage in a whole new light.

What happened to marrying for love, for better or worse, rich or poorer, and in sickness and in health? It seems marriage has become more of a financial arrangement — like a job. If you stay with an employer for a specified number of years, you receive a severance package with a value attached to it. Marriage seems to be taking a cue from the corporate world. It’s understandable that Tiger and his wife would have a prenuptial agreement because of his golf career. However, it’s amazing how fast (if there’s truth to the story) his wife is “cashing in” on the marriage.

Marriage was something that was sacred, now it seems to be a “get rich quick” scheme kind of like some of the stay-at-home businesses you find online. You can make a quick fortune in a short amount of time, but if you’re financially immature, your earnings will disappear before your very eyes. You’re left with empty pockets and dreams.

Through counseling, perhaps Tiger Woods and his wife will reconcile and move past this unfortunate incident. It’s a reminder about Debbie Ford’s book, “…Why Good People Do Bad Things?” No one is immune to making mistakes, it’s whether or not you choose to make them that is the difference.

Rebecca

How is your marriage?

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