According to best-selling author Debbie Ford “when we’re stuck in the pattern of people-pleasing, we do not have access to making clear choices. We are driven to fulfill others’ needs in order to be loved. In order to stand in our power, we must have the option of saying no. We have to be willing to give up the need for others’ approval and give up our need to make others happy. The truth is that not everyone will like us and it’s not our job to make others happy — just as it isn’t the job of others to make us happy.”

“It’s so easy to give our power away to oblige our partners or console our families. But if the choices we make rob us of too much of our private time, if they deprive us of our joy or our inner peace or prevent us from expressing our creative gifts, then ultimately they are violations we are perpetrating against our own souls. These violations do not affect just us in negative ways they affect all those around us.”

Stand in Your Power

1. Do not forsake your own needs for another! Caring for another is different from pleasing another. When you genuinely care for someone, your actions take no effort. Pleasing another is giving your power away to that person. You do not feel good about your actions; resentment settles upon you. In order to care for another, you must care for yourself first!
2. Make waves and speak your mind. Napoleon Hill said “opinions are the cheapest commodities on earth.” You have a right to speak your mind. Do not stay silent. Your thoughts and ideas can make a great contribution to society. Who knows, you may have the solution to a problem that a family, friend, or employer has been waiting for!
3. Let go of guilt, feeling obligated, and the words “should and have.” Guilt can eat at you and cause tremendous stress. If you are going to help another, do so because you want to be of service. Feeling obligated to do something will not serve you or another!

In conclusion, ask yourself if you are standing in your power or trying to please another. Reclaim your power and life today! Parents, grandparents, former teachers, and others mean well, but do not realize how their words and actions will impact your adult life. Let go of old beliefs that you picked up from childhood which are not serving you today. As an adult, you have the right to change your thoughts, beliefs, and life. Live in the now and leave the past in the past!

Many people are searching for spirituality and ways to transform their lives. They purchase every self-help book that sits on the bookshelves of Barnes and Noble and the local bookstore such as Changing Hands Bookstore.

Please be cautious when reading books by people such as Dr. Dyer, Ekchart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, and other “spiritual, transformation gurus.” They offer good advice, but take it with a grain of salt! Meaning: do not take the information too seriously. These people are not God and do not know everything there is to know about life. What works for some people may not work for all people. It’s not a “one-size fits all” transformation process.

Taking the words of someone, no matter how many degrees they hold, lectures they give, and radio shows they do can be dangerous. Those who buy into these self-help books with their “heart and soul” are in danger of losing their identity and could make their life worse.

For example, those who are people-pleasers may be working on identifying why they are people-pleasers and how to stop. Dr. Dyer, who is often heard quoting Lao Tzu and the Wisdom of the Tao, is famous for telling people that the only thing that matters is service to others. People-pleasers may interpret his information as “I don’t matter, it’s not about me, it’s about doing for other people and not myself.” How healthy are these messages being sent to people who may be people-pleasers? Of course, Dr. Dyer has no idea what types of people are reading his books or does he?

Too bad self-help books do not come with warning labels like the ones found on CDs. Some CDs have parental warnings stating that the lyrics are explicit. Self-help books could have warning labels such as the “words in this book are the opinions of the author.” For further information on the topic, see the bibliography, research, and draw your own conclusion.