How to Overcome Low Self-Confidence and Self-Doubt

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Question: I had a horrible dream, more like a nightmare, where I saw billowing smoke in the air. I ran up a hill along with other people and saw an airplane in the air. It was cracked in half and people were falling out; I could hear their blood curdling screams along with the screams of those still in their seats. I could even see what the people looked like and what they were wearing. It was frightening to say the least. What does this mean? Why would I dream something horrible like this? Is this a premonition?

Answer: Breath and relax. According to Dream Moods Dictionary.com your dream symbolizes the possibility of setting too high or unrealistic goals for yourself and seeing them crash down. Another interpretation is your self-confidence is low and you have self-doubt about reaching your goals. Your self-defeating mindset is causing your dreams or goals to crash; you experience loss of power. You don’t believe in your abilities to reach your goals.

How to Overcome Low Self-Confidence and Self-Doubt

1. Trust that you have the answers inside of you. Nine times out of ten, you know what to do. However, you may not take action because you fear you’ll make a mistake. The good news is if you make a decision and it doesn’t work out, you can make another decision. It’s not a waste of time and effort because you probably learned valuable lessons. Accept those lessons and move forward.

Remember … No one is perfect!

2. Approve of you. The only approval you need is from you. If you constantly seek approval from others, you’re not self-confident. You are free to be who you are. What matters the most is YOU love and approve of you. Remember, “What others think of you is none of your business.” Some people may or may not be in your tribe or ‘get’ you — it’s alright.

3. Affirm you are talented. If you don’t believe in your abilities, who will? Know and affirm you have what it takes to succeed in whatever it is you do. Recall times when you did well and give yourself a ‘pat’ on the back. Also, make a list of activities you enjoy and do more of them.

4. Stop believing and thinking self-defeating ideas and thoughts. Parents, grandparents, teachers, etc. probably contributed to your belief system. They meant well but could have passed on self-defeating and limiting thoughts. The good news is you’re an adult and can shift your beliefs. You don’t have to be bound to thoughts such as, I must work hard to earn a living; You don’t get ahead without hard work; No one in our family ever got ahead with talent alone; and other limiting beliefs. Ask yourself, “Are these true? Is it true I have no talent?” You’ll be surprised by your answers.

Cultivate new beliefs. After all, your parents aren’t responsible for you anymore. You are responsible for you. Saying affirmations could work; however, they only work if you believe in them. Don’t say affirmations if you don’t feel positive about them.

5. Take ‘inspired’ action. Taking action for actions sake won’t work. Inspired action means you’re really enthusiastic about something. Whether you’re applying for a job or filling out a volunteer application, make sure you’re inspired to do so.

There isn’t a ‘perfect’ time to do something — this is an illusion. You may encounter obstacles and roadblocks as you begin to take ‘inspired’ action. Go around them and move forward; you’ll gain more skills and become more confident.

6. Get educated. Maybe your current skills need updating. Perhaps, it’s time to learn new skills which you can apply to a new career. It’s never too late for education. Remember: if you stop learning, you stop living, and you eventually die.

7. Laugh at yourself. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugh at your mistakes and correct them. What’s the worst that could happen? Making mistakes happens to the best of us. Even Einstein didn’t get it right the first time. You learn by ‘trial and error’ and correcting what doesn’t work.

Shake off low self-confidence and self-doubt by recognizing your abilities. Please remember, most people fail at one time or another in their lives. The word ‘fail’ isn’t a bad 4-letter word. In fact, many famous authors had their manuscripts rejected countless times. Some of them self-published before any major editor noticed them. Give yourself credit for trying and don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing the best you can and that’s all that matters.

Rebecca

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3 Foods That Can Affect Your Mood

Fruit on display at La Boqueria market in Barc...

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Question: Is it true that foods can affect your mood? What are they? Do I have to stop eating my favorite foods completely?

Answer: You’ve probably heard the saying, “You are what you eat.” Not only can foods affect your physical health, they can affect your mental health. If you’ve been feeling depleted, lethargic, or cranky, the foods you eat could be affecting you. How many cups of coffee do you have each day? How much alcohol do you drink? The answer to ‘why’ you feel the way you feel is in your pantry, refrigerator, and cupboards. It may be time to clean them out.

3 Foods That Can Affect Your Moods

1. Caffeine. Have you ever heard the saying, “Too much of a good thing.” Too much caffeine can make you feel jittery and out-of-balance. If you drink tons of pop (or soda), energy drinks, or coffee each day, it will definitely affect your mood. What happens when you crash? It’s not a good feeling. If you can’t go cold turkey or believe you need a little bit of caffeine, take baby steps to ‘wean’ yourself off of caffeine.

2. Not-so-smart carbs. Choose whole grains, legumes, fruits, and veggies, over white pastas, candy, pop (soda), pastries and desserts, and sugar. Sometimes potatoes get a bad rap — use your own judgment.

Remember that old saying about food, “Everything in moderation.”

3. Alcohol. This one usually gets people into trouble in more ways than one. Have you ever experienced an ‘all nighter or bender?’ How did you feel afterwards? You probably didn’t feel well. In fact, you may have spent the night in the bathroom.

Alcohol can be dangerous on many levels. It lowers our inhibitions and you may end up doing something you wish you never did. You could say things you never meant to say. Remember this the next time you go out with friends, attend a wedding or anniversary, company event, etc.

Do your best to choose the ‘right’ foods for you and your body. You may consider a detox or cleanse which cleans out the toxins from your body and mind. Before you embark on detoxing your body, check with your doctor. Not all cleansers and detoxes are the same. You don’t want to do anything that will interfere with any medications you take.

Change your eating habits, change your life!

Rebecca

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How to Pull the Weeds from Your Life

Public Flower Garden in downtown Seattle

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Fellow Students of Life,

Your life is like a garden and needs to be ‘weeded’ now and again. If a gardener didn’t clear out the debris and weeds from the flower or vegetable garden, nothing would grow and flourish. Your life works the same way. Allowing weeds to grow will literally ‘choke the life’ out of you. It’s time to pull the weeds (at the root) from your life so you can flourish and prosper.

When you begin to pull the weeds from your life, you may feel sad or disconnected. Acknowledge your feelings and process them. Please don’t stuff feelings down because they’ll only resurface. You may as well face and deal with them now rather than later. Journal or express your feelings to a trusted confidant. Get a massage or Reiki treatment to help you clear away old, sticky energy. Think to yourself this too shall pass and know … All is well.

How to Pull the Weeds from Your Life

1. Uproot old thoughts and beliefs. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Why do I believe what I believe?
  • Where did my beliefs come from?
  • How do my beliefs serve me?
  • Why am I hanging onto these old beliefs?
  • How have my thoughts shaped my life?

Once you’ve figured out “why” you believe and think what you do, let your ‘old’ beliefs and thoughts go. Replace them with new beliefs and thoughts that resonate with you. Visit Heal Your Life to learn more.

2. Move on from stale relationships. Have the courage to say goodbye (if necessary) to work, romantic, friendships, family, and other relationships which are no longer for your highest good. You could always revisit these relationships at a later date. People do change.

3. Let go of activities that drain you. If you don’t enjoy certain activities or are involved in too many, let some of them go. You’ll feel lighter.

4. Don’t say “Yes” when you want to say “No.” This is a tough one for most people but it can be done. Be true to yourself and stop saying “Yes” out of fear, duty, or obligation. Say “Yes” only if you truly want to.

5. Give away clothing and other items. Remember, “When in doubt, toss it out.” If you haven’t worn a shirt in over a year, you probably won’t wear it again. Donate items to Goodwill and other charitable organizations. You could always sell items on eBay or have a garage sale.

6. Move to another city or state to revitalize your life force. Family and friends may think you’re crazy, but they’re not the one moving. Thank them for sharing their thoughts, pack your bags, and get on the road. Remember: you take yourself with you when you move.

Quiet your fears through daily meditation. You’ve probably heard this 100 times but it begs repeating. Sitting quietly, observing your breath is a fantastic way to help you pull the weeds from your life. You’ll have clarity before you begin weeding.

7. Forgive yourself and others and move forward with your life. Forgiveness will set you free. It’s time to ‘uproot’ the past and forget about “who did what to whom” and let it go. These ‘weeds’ choke your life the most. Let it all go and release the heaviness you’ve been carrying.

8. Pull the gossip. It’s easy to get caught up in family or work drama. Heck, TV in the U.S. is filled with ‘gossipy’ TV shows that tell us what’s going on in the lives of celebrities and others. Gossip is hurtful and more importantly, the information is usually false. If you were sucked in by gossip, chop that weed and uproot it straight-away. Remember, the energy you put out into the universe will come back to you. How would you feel if someone gossiped about you?

9. Pull the self-hate. Unfortunately, many people don’t like, let alone love themselves. It’s time to pull the self-loathing from your life. No one is perfect; everyone is doing the best they can. When you criticize yourself it’s not good for you. Acknowledge what you’d like to change and change it. Please don’t beat yourself up because EVERYONE makes mistakes.

10. Pull whatever needs to be pulled in your life. Examine your life and uproot anything that’s choking it. Lovingly release the weeds from your life and plant new seeds. Fertilize new ‘life’ seeds through affirmations, walks in nature, therapy, meditation, yoga, uplifting music, books, etc. Your life will begin to sprout ‘new shoots’ in no time!

Rebecca

What ‘weeds’ need to be pulled from your life? Share?

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What’s the Real Meaning of Family?

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On June 28, 2011, I received this Message from God, “On this day of your life, Rebecca, we believe God wants you to know … that family is not a name for a group of people, but the quality of relationships between them. Relationships grounded in mutual love, trust, caring and forgiveness. In all the ups and all the downs of life. Look closely, – who is really your family, and who in truth are just strangers in for the ride? ” Amen! You can find the ‘Message from God’ app on Facebook. A few minutes before I read this message, I commented on a blog post about Choice. I wrote, “I now ‘choose’ to do what I want when I want. I’m no longer bound by ‘family’ duty and obligation. I say “no” and mean it; I say “yes” and mean it.” Coincidence, I think not.

As a society, we get caught up in the definition of family. According the Merriam Webster, family has the following definitions:

1. a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : household

2 a. a group of persons of common ancestry : clan
2 b. a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : race

3 a. a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : fellowship
3 b. the staff of a high official (as the President)

4. a group of things related by common characteristics: as
4 a. a closely related series of elements or chemical compounds
4 b. a group of soils with similar chemical and physical properties (as texture, pH, and mineral content) that comprise a category ranking above the series and below the subgroup in soil classification.
4 c. a group of related languages descended from a single ancestral language

5 a. the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family
5 b. spouse and children <want to spend more time with my family>

Who has the right to tell any of us what the meaning of family is? I often think about children in foster care, where is there family? What about gays, lesbians, and transgender who are disowned by their ‘family’ because they just want to be who they are? For me, I no longer buy into the ‘traditional’ meaning of family. Most people would agree their family members are a piece of work. This is why people move out-of-state or visit family during the holidays. They don’t like to be around them or their drama-rama.

Relationships grounded in mutual love, trust, caring and forgiveness. In all the ups and all the downs of life. Look closely, – who is really your family, and who in truth are just strangers in for the ride?

You get to choose who you want in your family, and this doesn’t necessarily mean blood ties. Some of your ‘blood relations’ may be toxic to you. Do you really want to be around people who always complain and whine about their life? What about people who are energy vampires? Being around toxic people is not healthy for your mind, body, and soul.

The next time you feel guilty about forgoing family functions, stop and think if your ‘family’ is really your family. If you had a choice, would you hand pick these people to be in your life? Are your family relationships built on love, honesty, integrity, trust, forgiveness, and understanding? Or, are they built on duty, guilt, people pleasing, and obligation? Think about it. You’re no longer a child and don’t have to listen to your parents. You can choose who you want to be in your family, and who’s a long for the ride.

Rebecca

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