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Is co-dependency wreaking havoc on your life? I never realized how many co-dependent people were in my family. This doesn’t sit well with me because I’m a strong, independent woman who enjoys doing things for me. Before I ask for help, I research a problem and exhaust all resources. After I’m convinced that I need help, I seek it out. I don’t automatically ask for help without trying to figure something out on my own. Besides, I love a good challenge and wouldn’t want to miss out on an opportunity to learn something new. I set goals because they suit me not to please others. I also don’t expect people to ‘guess’ what I need — I tell them. One of my favorite quotes is, “What others think of me is none of my business.” Adopting this into your life could set you free.
Most people ask for help without seeking solutions to their problems. Their co-dependent ways can be a turn-off and irritate the people around them. Think about the people in your life. Do they turn to you every time they have a problem? How do they react when you ask them, “Did you try this or that?” Do they get mad or upset? Do they play the ‘poor me, victim, or I’m helpless” card? On the flip side, if you attract co-dependent people into your life, you may want to examine “why” this happens. Perhaps, you have a tendency to ‘save’ (rescue archetype) everyone who crosses your path. What are you getting out of this? How is it serving you? How is it serving others? Perhaps, you attract these people because you want to feel needed and love. There’s a big difference between wanting to help because you want to versus needing to help because you get something out it.
7 Ways to Kick the Codependency
Habit
1. Journal your thoughts and feelings about co-dependency. Examine where you tend to be co-dependent in your life. What is your self-worth?
2. What are you afraid of? Being independent? Not hurting another person’s feelings? What’s stopping you from kicking the co-dependency habit?
3. Before you ask others for help, try to solve your own problems.
4. Stop believing and feeling you’re responsible for ‘fixing’ the problems of the people in your life.
5. Examine if you set goals based on what people will think of you. Do you seek their approval?
6. Stop manipulating others with your moods. For example, “I’m unhappy; therefore, you should stop what you’re doing and take care of me.”
7. Start telling people what you need instead of leaving them to guess.
If you want to improve your relationships, you may want to break the ‘co-dependency’ habit. Controlling others won’t work and can push them right out of your life. Stop telling people what to do — it’s not your job. They need to find their own path and figure it out. If they need your help, they’ll ask for it. It’s too exhausting and unhealthy for the people in your life to have to guess what you want and for you to set goals based on gaining their approval. Your goals are your goals; others may not understand ‘why’ you want to set and reach them. They don’t have to.
Break the co-dependency habit today, and live a happier, stress free life tomorrow!
Rebecca
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- You know what sucks about codependency? (uncommonmisconception.typepad.com)
