How to Focus on What You Want

Let me ask you something: How well do you focus on what you want? If you’re like me, you watched The Secret and read the book but haven’t manifested the life of your dreams. If you’re like me, you probably keep asking, “What am I doing wrong? Why isn’t the law of attraction working? How can I make it work for me?” I had a ‘light bulb’ moment (Aha moments are so 2000s), and came across the The Secret of Doing Without Doing by Dr. Robert Anthony.

How to focus on what you want

1. Think about what you want. Do you really and truly know what you want? You may think you know what you want, but you may actually not know what you want. Knowing what you want for your life is imperative. Write down everything you’d like from having peace of mind to a new home. Get clear about what you want.

2. Tune-out the negative hype. I’m reading *Outwitting the Devil, which is annotated by Sharon Lechter. You may be surprised how easy it is to ‘hypnotize’ people with hype. Look at the media. If you constantly tune-in to the news or read the newspapers, you’re programming your subconscious for negativity.

*Get the book from your library and read it. You’ll be amazed at what you read. The first two chapters are slow going; however, Chapter 3 A Strange Interview with the Devil will knock your socks off!

3. Stop listening to others. You don’t have to focus on what you family and close friends think and say. If the people closest to you constantly whine and complain, it may be time to surround you with people who are like-minded.

4. Learn to think for yourself. If you read Outwitting the Devil, you’ll learn how parents, teachers, religious leaders, bosses, co-workers, friends, etc. can easily influence your thoughts. I’ll use myself as an example. I was a rebellious child and teen. However, it wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized I was a ‘closet’ people pleaser. I did everything my mother and father told me to do, even though it never felt right. I allowed my father to control and manipulate me for a long time. It wasn’t until he got sick that the ‘wheels’ in my head began to turn. I realized I ‘wasted’ my entire life pleasing others instead of pleasing myself. This was a bitter pill to swallow. The irony is my father would say to me, “Did you think? Learn to think for yourself.” Talk about a contradiction!

I’ve been struggling lately with doing things that feel right for me. I just realized that I often put others needs before mine. Instead of saying, “How does this honor me?” I say, “What will so and so think? What will they feel?” I’m still not honoring me and my feelings. I think what happened was, I got tangled up in ‘spirituality now’ and forgot about me along the way. I now know I need to take my own advice and take my power back!

It’s never too late to break the cycle of people pleasing. Learn to set strong boundaries with people, no matter who they are. Stop allowing people to control and manipulate you.

5. Don’t apologize for wanting a better life. If your family and friends are stuck in ‘poverty’ mode, there’s no law that says you must join them. Don’t apologize for wanting a better life. Who knows, maybe you’ll inspire those around you to ‘clean up’ their lives. You can be the catalyst for them.

“Any idea, plan, or purpose may be placed in the mind through repetition of thought”. ~ Napoleon Hill

How to Dissolve Mind Viruses

A few weeks ago, I signed up for the Cultivating a Prosperity Mindset teleseminar from T. Harv Eker and Randy Gage. Randy was a high school dropout and served jail time at the age of 16. He always heard, “How can someone so smart be so dumb?” Randy’s mind was programmed with this mind virus. While he was in jail, a teacher visited him and said, “You don’t belong here. You take a test and earn a score like a college level. You’re a bright guy — you have the potential to do great things.” Randy wanted to believe him and he did. That’s how he began to change his life. Now, Randy’s a successful businessman.

Randy says, “You need someone who believes in you and that gives you the confidence to believe in yourself. We’re programmed not to stand out. In Australia, it’s known as “the tall poppy syndrome,” the tallest flower is the one that gets cut. We’re told don’t stand out, fit in, keep your head down and don’t get noticed. We’re programmed with these memes.” ~ Randy Gage

It makes it really hard, super hard to succeed when you’re in a negative and or non-supportive environment. Jim Rohn used to say, “Your income will be the average income of the five people you spend the most time with.” That’s not very encouraging when you’re surrounded by Negative Nina’s or Nick’s 24/7.

“You need to work on the root; otherwise, the fruits will be the same.” T. Harv Eker

3 Guiltiest Parties 

  • All governments. They need you to be needy. This keeps their power base.
  • Datasphere. TV, newspapers, blimps, internet, movies, etc. Many technologies create many mind viruses which travel the world within an hour.
  • Organized religion. The true message is love. However, there are elements within religions that hi-jack this concept such as, “Money is bad; Rich people are evil; and It’s spiritual to be poor.”

*I would add a fourth guilty party which is family. This is my belief. Listen to what your parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents and others say. Do they speak positive or negative words? Do they complain all of the time? Is the sky always falling? Is everything in their life hopeless? I can go on and on, but I think you get the point.

How to dissolve mind viruses

1. Limit the amount of time you spend with negative people. Or, learn to tune them out.

2. Accept responsibility for your life and decide to change it for the better.

3. Be willing to change your life; be willing to live a happier, more successful life. Stop worrying about what others will think. Who cares?

4. Create a positive consciousness before you leave the house. Read a book, listen to a meditation, do yoga, etc. to make sure you’re vibrating where you want to be.

“The secret to prosperity is to be able to be a critical thinker — examine your beliefs. Examine how you got them. Where did you get your ideas from? What makes sense for you? Are they supporting you to have a happier, more successful life? If your beliefs are true and serve you, they’ll withstand the skepticism and questioning. Most peoples’ core foundational beliefs were determined before you were 10-years-old; from parents, counselors, teachers, books, television, etc. You got your beliefs when you were five, six, seven-years-old. Now, you’re 35, 45 or 55 and wondering, “Why can’t I break through? Why am still struggling? Is it the economy? Is it my boss? Ninety-nine times out of 100 it’s self-sabotage because of your limiting beliefs.” ~ T. Harv Eker and Randy Gage.

You get what you expect. Do you expect to succeed or fail? Do expect that you can change your life? Do expect to have that deal go through? Do you expect trouble wherever you go? Do you expect your life will be hard? It will behoove you to examine your expectations.

“Environment is stronger than will power. For example, if you attend a Millionaire Mind Intensive, you’ll be surrounded by like-minded people. In three days, you’ll grow quickly and have such new insight about yourself and your life, about your own successes; that you can easily leave people behind. When that happens, they’re start negating you.” T. Harv Eker

Expect more because you’ll have a better chance of good things happening for you then if you expect less. It’s more supportive, and you’re happier by expecting more. You may not be wealthy tomorrow, but there’s a greater chance you’ll attract prosperity to you sooner rather than later. Stop expecting less! Change the way you think, change everything in your life.


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The Art of Saying and Meaning No

Yes... and No

Image by Timothy Valentine - ferris bueller for a day via Flickr

Question: How can I say “No” and mean it? I often say “Yes” when I want to say “No.” I’m sure my childhood has something to do with this. I could never speak up and say what I really felt. I always had to do stuff out of duty and obligation. It sucked!

Answer: The good news is you’re an adult and can say “No” and mean it. If the people in your life get mad or upset with you it’s their issue, not yours. To quote my law professor, “Too bad, so sad” which means it’s not your problem.

Many people say “Yes” when they want to say “No.” They say ‘Yes’ out of duty, obligation, or a sense of responsibility. Meanwhile they mumble under their breath as they bake cookies, cook a meal, drive a family member somewhere because they never learned how to drive, or whatever it is they agreed to do. Don’t be one of these people! You have every right to say “No” and mean it. The key is to be nice about it. There’s no reason to get snippy.

How to Say “No” and Mean It

1. Be polite. Remain calm and simply say “No, I can’t help this time.”

2. Don’t give an elaborate explanation. There’s no reason give a lengthy explanation as to ‘why’ you can’t help. If you’re busy or will be out-of-town, mention it. You could also say, “I’m overextended right now.” Otherwise, just say “No.”

3. Accept that people be mad or upset with you. You may have to push through your people-pleasing tendencies and get over it. You can’t and won’t please everyone all of the time. You must be willing to accept this and be alright with it. It’s not your job to keep people happy; it’s their job. If you can accept that saying “No” may tick-off family, friends, PTA members, co-workers, bosses, etc. you’ll have grasped the art of saying and meaning “no.”

Whenever you’re asked to do something, don’t do it because you feel you ‘have’ to. Simply say, “I’d love to help, but I can’t.” You don’t have to go into a lengthy explanation. Of course, if you’re going on vacation or will be out-of-town, you could mention it. Please don’t lie and say you’ll be out-of-town, when in fact, you won’t be. Lying is draining and unnecessary. Chances are you will get caught.


Family Objects to Woman’s Childless Lifestyle


Image via Wikipedia

Question: How can you make people, and by people I mean family members, understand you don’t or have a desire to have children? I knew from a very early age I wouldn’t have kids; I even told my mom this. She said to me, “If you have no desire to have children don’t have them. It’s not fair to have children just for the sake of having children.”

I don’t want the responsibility of being a parent. I love my nieces and nephews and spend time with them, but I hear family and friends complain all of the time they can’t do this or that because they have kids. They get upset when no one volunteers to watch their kids or offers to watch them so they can go out for a nice dinner. Quite frankly, these people chose to have kids. Perhaps they should have thought about how much responsibility children are. I did. By the way, I have pets so I do have responsibility — I have ‘fur’ kids. Lol!

Answer: Unfortunately, you can’t make anyone see your point-of-view. As long as you’re comfortable with your decision not to have children that’s all that matters. Don’t keep explaining ‘why’ you don’t want to have kids. Your family and friends won’t understand because your life is not theirs. Simply say, “It’s my life” and let it go.

Your family may not believe this, but not every woman is meant to be a mother. You either have a deep calling to be a mom or you don’t. On the flip side, this doesn’t mean you wouldn’t make a great step-mom (if you wanted to) because chances are children split their time between mom and dad; unless, of course, dad has fully custody. It will behoove you to be open and honest with potential love interests when the subject of children comes up. If you have no desire to have children or even be a step-mom, speak up before you’re too deep into the relationship. It’s not fair to string someone along.


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