7 Habits That Lower Your Self-Esteem

You have the power to increase your self-esteem — no one can do it for you. If you want to increase your self-esteem, change your daily habits. If you have a ‘monkey mind’ that constantly puts you down, dissolve it once and for all. Negative self talk lowers your self-esteem. Associating with people who constantly complain and whine about life drains your energy and lowers your self-esteem — limit the time you spend with them.

7 Habits That Lower Your Self Esteem

1. Negative self talk. Are you constantly criticizing yourself? Do you put yourself down? If you do, it’s no wonder you have low self-esteem. No one is perfect. Stop the negative self talk and you’ll increase your self-esteem. Say affirmations such as, “I am beautiful; I am loving and lovable; I matter; I love and accept myself; I love and approve of myself.” Get a hand mirror and say these affirmations every day. Look directly into your eyes and say the affirmations with great feeling. Also, compliment yourself. If you do something good, congratulate yourself. Say, “Great job on writing that article” or “Kudos to you for shoveling your neighbor’s driveway.”

Stop the negative self talk and compliment yourself to ‘shift’ your energy and increase your self-esteem.

2. Associating with negative people. Associating with negative people can suck the life out of you and lower your self-esteem. Why would you have high self-esteem if you hang around with people who complain and whine all of the time? Lower energies aren’t good for your mental, emotional, and physical health. The next time you’re with negative people, really listen to their words and feel their vibration. You may feel your jaw and stomach tighten. This will affect your self-esteem. You’ll feel depleted and won’t have a zest for life. Detach from these people and thank them for the lessons they’ve given you.

3. Associating with negative people. They reflect back to you what you’re creating in your life. Thank these people for the lessons they provided, bless and release them.

4. Seclusion. When was the last time you enjoyed a night out? If you’re anti-social, it can lower your self-esteem. Perhaps you believe you don’t deserve to have friends or fun. Where do these beliefs come from? Are they true? Being secluded is no way to live. Take baby steps to meet people. Attend a church service or volunteer for at your favorite charitable organization. It will increase your self-esteem.

5. Watching depressing movies and television shows. Mind what you watch. Believe it or not, you could be influenced by movies and television shows. If you constantly watch the news or shows that are violent or filled with grief, it could lower your self-esteem. It can become depressing to watch news shows that only report the bad in the world. What about the good? Believe it or not, there is good in the world.

Monitor how much news you watch. Instead of watching depressing movies or television shows, watch comedies. Laughter is the best medicine!

6. Looking at the glass as half empty. Look at the glass as half full. Life is filled with ups and downs. It’s a great way to see how you handle situations. If life wasn’t filled with challenges, how would you grow? You would stay stuck and wouldn’t move forward in life. That’s no way to live.

7. A poor attitude. A poor mindset produces a poor life. If you don’t believe this, look at the balance in your checking and savings account. Are they at the maximum of $250,000 FDIC insured? Or, are they $100, $20 or $5?

If the above habits resonate with you, make a decision to acquire new ones. It takes 30-days to change a habit. Are you ready for the challenge? Your life will change in ways you may not expect. Does this scare you? Change can be good but you won’t know unless you get rid of your old habits and replace them with new ones. What are you waiting for? You have the power to increase your self-esteem. There’s no better time than to start than the present!

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How to Dissolve Problems

I received HayHouse’s newsletter which included an excerpt from Louise L. Hay and Cheryl Richardson’s new book You Can Create an Exceptional Life. Here’s a snippet from the excerpt:

“When a problem has been solved, we need to remember that it’s gone,” Louise instructs. “It has passed. We don’t want to dip into the past to be miserable in the present moment. And we don’t want to become complainers. People who complain a lot are a pain in the ass for everyone around them. Not only that, but they are doing great damage to their own world. Before we verbalize a complaint, we tend to go over it in our mind—several times, dozens of times, several dozen times, dozens and dozens of times. Depending on what our habit is.”

My favorite line from the above excerpt is “People who complain a lot are a pain in the ass for everyone around them.” I chuckled when I read this. Louise/Cheryl wrote what I think but haven’t had the courage to say. I think about how I used to complain; how my former co-workers used to complain. It makes me cringe! I listen to the people around me (family) complain and think, “Thank God I woke up in 2007. Is that how I sounded? Yikes!” I do my best not to sweat the small stuff anymore. For some reason, I used to focus my attention on the littlest or stupidest things. Live and learn.

How to dissolve problems

1. Stop and listen to how much you complain and or criticize you and the people in your life.

2. Notice how many times the people in your life complain.

3. Acknowledge your problems and sit with them for a while. What’s the real story behind your problems? Are they self-inflicted?

4. Journal your problems and review them. What can you do to move past them? Are they worth giving attention to? What are you afraid of if you let your problems go?

5. Meditate on your problems and let them go. If you do this, you make room for change and abundance will flow to you.

What is Woundology?

Question: I just discovered Caroline Myss and she used the term ‘woundology’ in her presentation “Why People Don’t Heal?” What does woundology mean? How can you permanently heal your wounds? I’d like to heal my wounds once and for all. I journal, meditate, listen to podcasts, burn incense and sage, etc. and nothing seems to work. Help!

Answer: Woundology means you use your wounds — you cling to your wounds. According to Caroline Myss, “Woundology is a very expensive habit to keep a wound alive. The energy comes out of your system, your cell system.” According to the Halexandria Foundation, “Woundology is also a form of scapegoatology which means outside events and others are blamed for what a wounded person experiences.” We have the power to heal from our wounds; however, to do so, means we must give up ‘being right’ for being happy.

When you carry your problems with you everywhere you go, you’re practicing the art of woundology. For example, have you ever met someone who’s told you their life story in a matter of minutes? They were practicing woundology. However, the person believes they’re sharing their life’s story. They can’t see what they’re truly doing. Let’s face it; we’ve all done this at one point or have done this. I have and now realize the error of my way. Now, wonder I’ve been feeling stuck in a funk for the past year (or more).

FYI: Some experts believe woundology is a form of addiction. Instead of being addicted to drugs and alcohol, gambling, smoking, being right, attention, people pleasing, being a rescuer or victim, food, sex, the internet, movies and television, working out, shopping, relationships, traveling, etc. people are addicted to their pain.

Recognize and heal your wounds today by getting in touch with your emotions and exploring them. The next time you’re tempted to share your life’s story with someone, ask yourself a few questions such as:

  • Why am I doing this?
  • What do I get from this?
  • What’s motivating me to share my story?

Woundology is a way to control and manipulate the people around you. It’s a way to get their attention or for them to rescue you. The truth is you can only rescue and save you. If you wait for others to do it, you’ll be waiting for a long time. Life will pass you by and you’ll be left wondering, “Where did my life go?” However, you can heal your wounds today, and tomorrow life will be easier and happier.

How to Focus on Your Own Life

Iguassu Falls

Image by Luc V. de Zeeuw via Flickr

If you’re kind, compassionate, and empathetic, you probably want to help family, friends, and strangers. Your may have good intentions but it could backfire on you. It’s best to focus on you and your life. Allow others to walk their path at their own pace. If you’re asked for advice, give it but don’t force another to take it. Like my grandfather used to say, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t force it to drink.” Everyone has free will; they can beat to their own drum. Their beat may not be the same as yours — it’s alright. Follow your beat or tune, and you’ll live a happy, peaceful life.

How to focus on your life

1. Don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. If someone didn’t ask for your advice, don’t give it.

2. Give advice but don’t force another to take it. If the same person keeps asking you for advice, you may want to gently refrain from giving them advice.

3. Tell people what you want them to know. Remember, some people may not support your hopes and dreams. They may wear and show a kind mask to the world; however, they could be witchy behind the scenes. Be discerning and discriminating when revealing information about your life. Only tell close confidants and people your trust what’s really happening in your life.

4. Don’t feel obligated to ‘hang out’ with those who may not resonate with you.

You cannot get sick enough to help sick people get well. ~ Abraham-Hicks

5. Follow the beat of your life and allow others to do the same.

6. Don’t get involved in unnecessary drama. If someone tries to suck you into an argument or conversation that has nothing to do with you, don’t get involved. You could say, “I hear you, but I can’t and won’t participate in the drama. It has nothing to do with me. ”

7. Drift and or walk away. Sometimes you need to let go of unhealthy relationships. They’ve served their purpose — loving let them go.

Rebecca

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