How to Dissolve Problems

I received HayHouse’s newsletter which included an excerpt from Louise L. Hay and Cheryl Richardson’s new book You Can Create an Exceptional Life. Here’s a snippet from the excerpt:

“When a problem has been solved, we need to remember that it’s gone,” Louise instructs. “It has passed. We don’t want to dip into the past to be miserable in the present moment. And we don’t want to become complainers. People who complain a lot are a pain in the ass for everyone around them. Not only that, but they are doing great damage to their own world. Before we verbalize a complaint, we tend to go over it in our mind—several times, dozens of times, several dozen times, dozens and dozens of times. Depending on what our habit is.”

My favorite line from the above excerpt is “People who complain a lot are a pain in the ass for everyone around them.” I chuckled when I read this. Louise/Cheryl wrote what I think but haven’t had the courage to say. I think about how I used to complain; how my former co-workers used to complain. It makes me cringe! I listen to the people around me (family) complain and think, “Thank God I woke up in 2007. Is that how I sounded? Yikes!” I do my best not to sweat the small stuff anymore. For some reason, I used to focus my attention on the littlest or stupidest things. Live and learn.

How to dissolve problems

1. Stop and listen to how much you complain and or criticize you and the people in your life.

2. Notice how many times the people in your life complain.

3. Acknowledge your problems and sit with them for a while. What’s the real story behind your problems? Are they self-inflicted?

4. Journal your problems and review them. What can you do to move past them? Are they worth giving attention to? What are you afraid of if you let your problems go?

5. Meditate on your problems and let them go. If you do this, you make room for change and abundance will flow to you.

Rebecca

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What is Woundology?

Question: I just discovered Caroline Myss and she used the term ‘woundology‘ in her presentation “Why People Don’t Heal?” What does woundology mean? How can you permanently heal your wounds? I’d like to heal my wounds once and for all. I journal, meditate, listen to podcasts, burn incense and sage, etc. and nothing seems to work. Help!

Answer: Woundology means you use your wounds — you cling to your wounds. According to Caroline Myss, “Woundology is a very expensive habit to keep a wound alive. The energy comes out of your system, your cell system.” According to the Halexandria Foundation, “Woundology is also a form of scapegoatology which means outside events and others are blamed for what a wounded person experiences.” We have the power to heal from our wounds; however, to do so, means we must give up ‘being right’ for being happy.

When you carry your problems with you everywhere you go, you’re practicing the art of woundology. For example, gave you ever met someone who’s told you their life story in a matter of minutes? They were practicing woundology. However, the person believes they’re sharing their life’s story. They can’t see what they’re truly doing. Let’s face it; we’ve all done this at one point or have done this. I have and now realize the error of my way. Now, wonder I’ve been feeling stuck in a funk for the past year (or more).

FYI: Some experts believe woundology is a form of addiction. Instead of being addicted to drugs and alcohol, gambling, smoking, being right, attention, people pleasing, being a rescuer or victim, food, sex, the internet, movies and television, working out, shopping, relationships, traveling, etc. people are addicted to their pain.

Recognize and heal your wounds today by getting in touch with your emotions and exploring them. The next time you’re tempted to share your life’s story with someone, ask yourself a few questions such as:

  • Why am I doing this?
  • What do I get from this?
  • What’s motivating me to share my story?

Woundology is a way to control and manipulate the people around you. It’s a way to get their attention or for them to rescue you. The truth is you can only rescue and save you. If you wait for others to do it, you’ll be waiting for a long time. Life will pass you by and you’ll be left wondering, “Where did my life go?” However, you can heal your wounds today, and tomorrow life will be easier and happier.

Rebecca

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How to Avoid the Stress of Facebook

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If you’re on Facebook, you may or may not have encountered critics and instigators. These are people who lurk within the shadows, watching your every move on Facebook. They wait until you speak your mind or post a link they don’t like and Bam! They pounce on you as if you were their prey. The best way to get rid of social media stress is to ignore critics and instigators on Facebook. Don’t engage in the conversation and they’ll eventually go away.

Tip: Be careful who ‘friend’ on Facebook. Some people mask or hide their true nature. Be discerning with all of your relationships.

Healthy debates and engagements with people are acceptable. However, when the conversation gets heated and the ‘claws’ come out isn’t productive. Most people who criticize others can’t see another person’s POV and have no desire to. They expect everyone to ‘roll’ over and concede. Let’s face it; someone like this isn’t someone you want to be around. The tension isn’t worth it.

How to Avoid the Stress of Facebook

1. Be careful who you friend.

2. Don’t engage in heated discussions because it will cause you more stress.

3. Hone your intuition and really ‘tune-in’ to people. See the masks they wear (everyone wears one at one point or another) and ask yourself, “Is this ‘friend’ for my highest good or better?” Trust your instincts.

4. Stop spending a lot of time on Facebook. Facebook can be used for constructive purposes like meeting with like-minded people within groups or conversing with other ‘fans’ on fan pages, it can be a time waster. Don’t allow a sunny day to escape you. Get outside and go to the park or hike a mountain. Life’s too short to spend in it indoors.

5. Use Facebook a tool to meet like-minded people but don’t limit your meeting people to Facebook. Attend networking and other social events where you meet people live and in-person. Also, schedule your time on Facebook. Perhaps the groups you’re in can ‘schedule’ a meeting time to have a discussion on a particular topic. This will cut down on the amount of time you spend on Facebook. You may go through ‘withdrawal’ but it will be worth it in the end.

Facebook can be a blessing or a curse — it’s up to you. Keep your Facebook personal page neat and clean and be careful who you’re friends with; ignore critics and instigators. It’s up to you to pick the battles in life you want to participate in. The way to avoid battles on Facebook is to be careful with who you ‘friend’ and cull the Facebook ‘friend’ herd now and again.

Rebecca

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How to Reduce and Cut Your Exposure to Toxic People

Scissors

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Question: I feel some people are toxic to me. The kicker is the only communication (if any) I have with them is through Facebook. These people really don’t have anything to do with me; we don’t have anything in common except being related. I would like to reduce my exposure to them. Help!

Answer: The question to ask is, “Does this honor me? How does this honor me?Does this relationship honor me? It may be time to reduce your exposure to toxic people.

How to reduce your exposure to toxic people

1. If you’re having issues with toxic people, be honest about the relationships you have with them. It may be in your best interest to reduce the amount of time you spend with them. Of course, you may have to cut them out of your life completely. The choice is yours.

2. Clear your chakras through meditation. Your third chakra is probably being sucked dry by toxic people. Call on Archangel Michael and ask him to cut your chords and clear your chakras.

3. Just say No. Find the courage to honor you and say “No” to people. If they get upset with you that’s their problem; they’ll have to work it out. It has nothing to do with you — it has to do with them. Move forward with your life and don’t look back.

Affirmations from Sandra Anne Taylor

  • I have so much to be grateful for. Every day, I notice these things more and more. I look around and am satisfied.
  • I’m letting go of the negative interpretations of my life. I find many wonderful things to appreciate each day.
  • I often take time for single moments of appreciation. I smile and name what I enjoy. I say “Thank You” to the universe.
  • I appreciate myself and my life more and more each day. I deserve my OWN gratitude.

You can reduce your exposure to toxic people no matter who they are including family. This can be scary but it will behoove you to limit the time you communicate and spend with these people. Send them lots of love and wish them well. See them happy and healthy. However, it’s up to them if they’re open to receiving your loving energy. They may not be open to it or want to receive. Be okay with this. Remember, it’s not your job to ‘fix’ people.

Rebecca

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Boo! How to Scare Your Problems Away

scared

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My Fellow Students of Life,

I watched Meet the Parents a few days ago because I needed to laugh. There was one scene that caught my attention. Teri Polo‘s character, Pam Burns, is a school teacher. Unbeknownst to her, Ben Stiller‘s character, Greg (Gaylord) Focker, is on his way to propose to her. Anyway, Pam was teaching her class how to scare their problems away. She had the kids close their eyes and visualize their problem. Once they had their problem in their ‘mind’s’ eye, she told to say “Boo!” to their problem — scare it away. I’ve watched Meet the Parents many time but never picked up on the significance of that scene. I too will scare my problems away by saying “Boo!”

How to scare your problems away

1. Visualize your problem in your mind’s eye and say “Boo!” to it.

2. Rise above it. Be courageous to face and scare your problems away. Look them in the eye and say, “You have no power over me, be gone!”

3. Stop focusing on your problems. For example, if you’re having issues with family drama-rama, even after you’ve said what you had to say, redirect your focus to something and or someone else. Read a book, volunteer, go to the movies, attend a festival, spend the day at the park, etc. Do something other than focus on your problem.

4. Let go and let God. You’ve probably heard this saying before but it begs repeating. After you’ve faced your problem, let it go. As Esther Hicks/Abraham said during a Teaching with Abraham, “If you want to let go of something, let it die of its own admission.” Let it go!

5. Don’t get caught up in unnecessary drama. This one is easier said than done for some to do. However, everyone has a choice. You can only control your actions and reactions to the people and situations around you. Consider thinking before you speak; before you react to an email, a Facebook status update, a ‘tweet’ on Twitter, etc. You can control your emotions and reactions. You don’t have to get ‘sucked into’ family, friends, and societal drama-rama. Think about it.

Rebecca

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Are Your Emotions Holding You Hostage?

emotion icon

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Question: I’ve noticed that my emotions have been out-of-whack lately. What can I do to get control over them? Sometimes, I think they’re holding me hostage!

Answer: Your emotions act like a GPS (global positioning system) because they tell you where you are in your life. Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you frustrated? Are you fed up with life in general? You get the idea. Use your ’emotional GPS’ to help you ‘sort’ through your emotions. Please don’t ‘stuff’ your emotions because they’ll resurface; you’ll have to deal with them eventually.

When you push against unwanted or uncomfortable emotions, you’re resistance to them will create more of the same. Instead of getting upset that you’re upset, take a deep breath and ‘feel’ your emotions. If you’re angry, feel it. This is healthier than ignoring your anger. Once you ‘feel’ the anger, you can process the emotion. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Why am I angry?
  • What or who angered me?
  • What inside of me becomes angry when I communicate with or think of (fill in the blank)?
  • How can my anger be positive?

Once you go through this process, you’ll have a better understanding of where your anger is coming from. It usually has nothing to do with a person or situation. There’s something inside of you that wants to be acknowledged and healed.

Be grateful for ALL of your emotions because they have great lesson to teach you. Of course, when you’re ticked off, you probably won’t believe this. However, your emotions will help you to heal and move forward with your life if you feel them. Please don’t be afraid that feeling your emotions will create negativity in your life. The opposite is true. Once you recognize and process your emotions, you’ll be set free. Positive vibrations will come into your life because you made room for them. It’s something to look forward to.

Rebecca

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How to Get a Grip on Control

Anxiety

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My Fellow Students of Life,

Do feel the ‘need’ to control everything and everyone in your life? Do you have anxiety if you’re not in control? If you control everything in your life, you’re not really living. In fact, you’re probably exhausted. There are many reasons why you believe you must be in control. Perhaps, you were mentally, emotionally, or physically abused and feel safe by being in control. Maybe you took control of a ‘bad’ situation when you were a child to protect younger siblings. Whatever the reason, it’s time to ease up on control; otherwise, you’ll put yourself into an early grave.

How to Get a Grip on Control

1. Get help. Seek counseling and or life coaching. Speaking to someone about your control issues is the first step to finding a solution for it. There’s nothing shameful about therapy. You’ll be able to process emotions you’ve probably kept bottled up for years.

2. Allow people to be who they are. Unfortunately, you can’t ‘force’ people to something they’re not. If you do, they’ll resent you. Forcing others to be what you expect or want them to be (especially kids) will drive them away from you.

3. No one is perfect. Trying to be perfect and controlling others so they can be perfect isn’t healthy. Plus, it sounds like a full-time job. You don’t want that, do you?

4. Give yourself permission to let go. There’s a saying, “Let go, and let God.” You have the right to be happy. If you stop controlling everyone and everything in your life, you’ll be free. When’s the last time you had some fun? Let go once in a while and don’t worry so much.

5. Journal. This is a good way to find out ‘why’ you feel the need to be in control. When did your controlling behavior start? Why the need to keep up a facade that everything is fine? What don’t you want people to see? Believe it or not, we all have flaws. It’s alright.

You may think having control is productive but it’s not — it’s a paradox. Being controlling won’t provide you with happiness, safety, and security. It causes unhappiness, stress, tension, anxiety, unnecessary worry, and other unhealthful emotions. Find the courage within yourself to loosen and let go of your grip on control. You’ll feel lighter and as if a ‘weight’ has been lifted off of you.

Rebecca

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Woman Miraculously Drops 100 lbs. in Five Days … Feels and Looks Lighter

8. Jumping for Joy

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Fellow Students of Life,

How can you drop 100 lbs. in five days? You can look at the people in your life and examine if it’s time to say ‘goodbye’ to them. This may be difficult if the people are family members or friends you’ve known for 10 or more years; they could be weighing you and your life down. Or, they could have been teachers for you. If you learned your life lessons, it’s time to move on.

Think about the following scenarios for a moment. Do the people in your life always ask you for help but don’t reciprocate when you ask for help? Do they expect you to automatically do something for them as if you ‘owe’ them? How are you treated when you say “No, I can’t help today?” Do you get the cold shoulder? What about when you express your thoughts and feelings? How do others react when you voice your opinions? I think you get the idea. Saying goodbye to people you’ve known for a very long time can be scary and liberating at the same time. Think about it this way; when you release people, situations, and material possessions from your life, you make room for new people, situations, and material items to come into your life. Remember, everything in life has a natural cycle for birth and completion.

There are many people right now who could stand to lose 100 lbs. or more in their life. For example, it may be time to say goodbye to a ‘rocky’ marriage. You can try counseling, may be you did; but if you intuitively know it’s time to end it, have the courage to do so. Don’t worry about what family and friends will say. They won’t and can’t understand if they’re not willing to see the situation through your eyes. And, most of the time the ones closest to us are filled with fear and can’t see anyway.

Tip: If you’re surrounded by energy vampires, it’s time to take your power back. Don’t get caught up in unnecessary drama because it could adversely affect your mind, body, and soul. Have compassion and empathy, but don’t get sucked in by work or family drama.

Let’s face it; most adults would benefit from taking more responsibility for their lives. Blaming the economy, mom and dad, a horrible childhood, bosses, co-workers, in-laws, spouse, life partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. doesn’t cut it anymore. All of us have FREE WILL to make choices. We have FREE WILL to live our lives according to the way we see fit, not according to how others think we should live.

You can feel lighter and calmer by releasing those in your life who no longer resonate with you. Dr. Wayne Dyer (listen to his radio show on HayHouse Radio) has said many times, “People come in and out of our lives. Some will enter our lives in Act III and leave in Act V; maybe they’ll leave in Act VII, scene three. Others will have permanent roles in our lives. Lovingly let people go; forgive them.” It’s something to think about.

Rebecca

Who do you need to say ‘goodbye’ to either permanently or for a while? Share.

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How to Protect Yourself from Energy Vampires

vampires

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Question: How do you know if you’ve come in contact with energy vampires? One moment I’m happy, the next I feel depressed and drained. I’ve noticed I feel this way after I’ve been around people I do and don’t know.

Answer: Energy or psychic vampires are people and situations that drain and suck the life force aka your energy from your body, mind, and soul. They can be family members, friends, spouses, life partners, co-workers, bosses, neighbors, PTA members, and anyone else who’s in your life. They drain you emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially. To preserve your health and wellness, you may have to end relationships with energy vampires.

Everyone has fallen prey to energy vampires, especially if you’re empathetic. You can’t help but feel compassion and empathy for people. Unfortunately, you probably absorb their energy or experience some sort of psychic attack. It’s necessary for you to ‘shield‘ or protect yourself from such attacks.

How to Protect Yourself from Energy Vampires

1. Limit the amount of time you spend with energy vampires. Surround yourself with open-minded, loving, and positive people. If you work with energy vampires, mentally say the following, “I’m rubber, your glue. Your stinky energy bounces off of me and back to you. I release and send you on your way.” Or, you could mentally write the name of the person on an envelope along with the words, “Return to sender with love,” and mentally drop it into a mailbox and send their energy back to them.

2. Say “No” and mean it. Give yourself permission to say “No” whenever you’re asked to do something or give something to someone. Energy vampires who try to get you to give them your time, money, advice, sympathy, etc. will receive the message loud and clear when you say “No” to them.

3. Use candles and crystals. Purchase a blue or white candle. After coming in contact with an energy vampire, light the candle and meditate on cutting your chords and removing toxins. Wearing or placing crystals such as hematite, snowflake obsidian, or black tourmaline in and around your home will protect your energy field and home from negativity and energy vampires. Note: wear a crystal over your heart.

4. Set strong boundaries. Set clear, firm boundaries with people. When an energy vampire begins to ‘dump’ their problems or life story on you, gently stop them. Say, “I understand you’re having your own Private Idaho, but I won’t participate in the drama.” You can also tell them you have to go or get back to work. You can have compassion and empathy for their situation without allowing them to ‘hook’ into your positive energy.

5. Take a sea salt bath or wash yourself with sea salt soap. Cleansing your body after an encounter with an energy vampire is important. Mentally see yourself clearing away the toxic energy and cutting your chords.

I’m rubber, your glue. Your stinky energy bounces off of me and back to you. I release and send you on your way! ~ R.A. Sebek

6. Protect your solar plexus chakra. Cross or fold your arms or place your purse (or another object) in front of your stomach whenever you speak with energy or potential energy vampires.

7. Call on Archangel Michael. Ask Archangel Michael to vacuum out any toxins and cut your chords to energy vampires. Ask him to place a blue, purple, or white light around you to serve as a barrier to any negative energy you encounter. This will transmute ‘icky’ energy in your aura field into positive energy.

8. Shields. You can mentally put a variety of shields around you such as mirrors facing outward; blue, purple, and or white light; visualize your spirit or power animal at your side, or ask your angels and or Archangel Michael to be by your side.

9. Perform Reiki on you or make an appointment with a practitioner. Reiki is a good way to clear psychic attacks. You’ll feel much better after receiving a Reiki treatment.

10. Laugh! A ‘wicked’ sense of humor is a great way to ward off energy vampires. Laughter is the best medicine!

The next time you experience a psychic attack or encounter an energy vampire, you’ll be prepared to handle it. If you ever feel depressed, angry, frustrated, aggravated, spiteful, revengeful, etc.; ask yourself “why” you’re feeling those types of feelings. Are they really yours or do they belong to someone else? What inside of you is benefiting from those feelings? Sometimes, you need to learn a lesson such as setting stronger boundaries or saying “No.” An encounter with a psychic vampire will teach you to do this. It’s a tough but an effective way to learn.

Realize that most psychic vampires experienced a trauma in their life; some have major stress. They aren’t aware of how they ‘suck’ the energy from people. Bless and send them on their way. As soon as you instinctively know you’re in the presence of an energy vampire, have compassion for them and keep conversations short or drop them altogether. Protect yourself and be grateful you have an awareness of energy vampires on how to protect yourself from them.

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What’s the Real Meaning of Family?

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On June 28, 2011, I received this Message from God, “On this day of your life, Rebecca, we believe God wants you to know … that family is not a name for a group of people, but the quality of relationships between them. Relationships grounded in mutual love, trust, caring and forgiveness. In all the ups and all the downs of life. Look closely, – who is really your family, and who in truth are just strangers in for the ride? ” Amen! You can find the ‘Message from God’ app on Facebook. A few minutes before I read this message, I commented on a blog post about Choice. I wrote, “I now ‘choose’ to do what I want when I want. I’m no longer bound by ‘family’ duty and obligation. I say “no” and mean it; I say “yes” and mean it.” Coincidence, I think not.

As a society, we get caught up in the definition of family. According the Merriam Webster, family has the following definitions:

1. a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : household

2 a. a group of persons of common ancestry : clan
2 b. a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : race

3 a. a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : fellowship
3 b. the staff of a high official (as the President)

4. a group of things related by common characteristics: as
4 a. a closely related series of elements or chemical compounds
4 b. a group of soils with similar chemical and physical properties (as texture, pH, and mineral content) that comprise a category ranking above the series and below the subgroup in soil classification.
4 c. a group of related languages descended from a single ancestral language

5 a. the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family
5 b. spouse and children <want to spend more time with my family>

Who has the right to tell any of us what the meaning of family is? I often think about children in foster care, where is there family? What about gays, lesbians, and transgender who are disowned by their ‘family’ because they just want to be who they are? For me, I no longer buy into the ‘traditional’ meaning of family. Most people would agree their family members are a piece of work. This is why people move out-of-state or visit family during the holidays. They don’t like to be around them or their drama-rama.

Relationships grounded in mutual love, trust, caring and forgiveness. In all the ups and all the downs of life. Look closely, – who is really your family, and who in truth are just strangers in for the ride?

You get to choose who you want in your family, and this doesn’t necessarily mean blood ties. Some of your ‘blood relations’ may be toxic to you. Do you really want to be around people who always complain and whine about their life? What about people who are energy vampires? Being around toxic people is not healthy for your mind, body, and soul.

The next time you feel guilty about forgoing family functions, stop and think if your ‘family’ is really your family. If you had a choice, would you hand pick these people to be in your life? Are your family relationships built on love, honesty, integrity, trust, forgiveness, and understanding? Or, are they built on duty, guilt, people pleasing, and obligation? Think about it. You’re no longer a child and don’t have to listen to your parents. You can choose who you want to be in your family, and who’s a long for the ride.

Rebecca

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