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How to Get a Grip on Control

August 6, 2011 by

Do you feel the ‘need’ to control everything and everyone in your life? Do you have anxiety if you’re not in control? If you control everything in your life, you’re not really living. In fact, you’re probably exhausted. There are many reasons why you believe you must be in control. Perhaps, you were mentally, emotionally, or physically abused and feel safe by being in control. Maybe you took control of a ‘bad’ situation when you were a child to protect younger siblings. Whatever the reason, it’s time to ease up on control; otherwise, you’ll put yourself into an early grave.

How to Get a Grip on Control

1. Get help. Seek counseling and or life coaching. Speaking to someone about your control issues is the first step to finding a solution for it. There’s nothing shameful about therapy. You’ll be able to process emotions you’ve probably kept bottled up for years.

2. Allow people to be who they are. Unfortunately, you can’t ‘force’ people to something they’re not. If you do, they’ll resent you. Forcing others to be what you expect or want them to be (especially kids) will drive them away from you.

3. No one is perfect. Trying to be perfect and controlling others so they can be perfect isn’t healthy. Plus, it sounds like a full-time job. You don’t want that, do you?

4. Give yourself permission to let go. There’s a saying, “Let go, and let God.” You have the right to be happy. If you stop controlling everyone and everything in your life, you’ll be free. When’s the last time you had some fun? Let go once in a while and don’t worry so much.

5. Journal. This is a good way to find out ‘why’ you feel the need to be in control. When did your controlling behavior start? Why the need to keep up a facade that everything is fine? What don’t you want people to see? Believe it or not, we all have flaws. It’s alright.

You may think having control is productive but it’s not — it’s a paradox. Being controlling won’t provide you with happiness, safety, and security. It causes unhappiness, stress, tension, anxiety, unnecessary worry, and other unhealthful emotions. Find the courage within yourself to loosen and let go of your grip on control. You’ll feel lighter and as if a ‘weight’ has been lifted off of you.

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What’s the Real Meaning of Family?

July 4, 2011 by

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On June 28, 2011, I received this Message from God, “On this day of your life, Rebecca, we believe God wants you to know … that family is not a name for a group of people, but the quality of relationships between them. Relationships grounded in mutual love, trust, caring and forgiveness. In all the ups and all the downs of life. Look closely, – who is really your family, and who in truth are just strangers in for the ride? ” Amen! You can find the ‘Message from God’ app on Facebook. A few minutes before I read this message, I commented on a blog post about Choice. I wrote, “I now ‘choose’ to do what I want when I want. I’m no longer bound by ‘family’ duty and obligation. I say “no” and mean it; I say “yes” and mean it.” Coincidence, I think not.

As a society, we get caught up in the definition of family. According the Merriam Webster, family has the following definitions:

1. a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : household

2 a. a group of persons of common ancestry : clan
2 b. a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : race

3 a. a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : fellowship
3 b. the staff of a high official (as the President)

4. a group of things related by common characteristics: as
4 a. a closely related series of elements or chemical compounds
4 b. a group of soils with similar chemical and physical properties (as texture, pH, and mineral content) that comprise a category ranking above the series and below the subgroup in soil classification.
4 c. a group of related languages descended from a single ancestral language

5 a. the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family
5 b. spouse and children <want to spend more time with my family>

Who has the right to tell any of us what the meaning of family is? I often think about children in foster care, where is there family? What about gays, lesbians, and transgender who are disowned by their ‘family’ because they just want to be who they are? For me, I no longer buy into the ‘traditional’ meaning of family. Most people would agree their family members are a piece of work. This is why people move out-of-state or visit family during the holidays. They don’t like to be around them or their drama-rama.

Relationships grounded in mutual love, trust, caring and forgiveness. In all the ups and all the downs of life. Look closely, – who is really your family, and who in truth are just strangers in for the ride?

You get to choose who you want in your family, and this doesn’t necessarily mean blood ties. Some of your ‘blood relations’ may be toxic to you. Do you really want to be around people who always complain and whine about their life? What about people who are energy vampires? Being around toxic people is not healthy for your mind, body, and soul.

The next time you feel guilty about forgoing family functions, stop and think if your ‘family’ is really your family. If you had a choice, would you hand pick these people to be in your life? Are your family relationships built on love, honesty, integrity, trust, forgiveness, and understanding? Or, are they built on duty, guilt, people pleasing, and obligation? Think about it. You’re no longer a child and don’t have to listen to your parents. You can choose who you want to be in your family, and who’s a long for the ride.

Rebecca

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