Relationship Rules That Rule!

September 22, 2008 by

Human beings are social creatures. We need intimacy, to be loved, and to love. Yet, many people have trouble with relationships. Most people have no idea of what a healthy relationship is because of their past. God only knows what happened in their childhood or in their young adult life that made them wary of connecting with others.

According to Hara Estroff Marano’s article on Psychology Today, there are “some basic rules of relationships.” For example, “choose a partner wisely and well. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They remind us of someone from our past. They shower us with gifts and make us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others.”

Tips on Relationships

  1. Do not confuse sex with love! Many people do this in their relationships which is why they do not work out. While you are at it, do not confuse lust with love! You may think that you love that man or woman, but in reality it’s only lust.
  2. Do you respect yourself? If you do not respect yourself, your partner will not respect you. Mutual respect and understanding of another is important in a relationship.
  3. Open and honest communication is key! Honesty and trust can do wonders for a relationship. Without these two components, your relationship may not last that long. If something is bothering you, speak up because your partner is not a mind reader. Unless, of course, you are dating or married to a psychic then it will not matter if you speak up because they will already know what is wrong.
  4. Apologize if you make a mistake! Many people have trouble admitting when they are wrong. It’s not that difficult to do. You are human, so you will make mistakes. Remember, the world will not end because you made a mistake! Just admit that you were wrong and ask for forgiveness. It will be a great learning experience for you.

Relationships do not have to be difficult. Be sure that open and honest communication is present in your relationship. Do not be totally dependent on your partner. It’s not their job to make you happy. That’s your responsibility. Remember, to love yourself first. If you cannot love yourself, how can you love someone else?

Your time on planet Earth may be short. Would you rather enjoy it in a fun-loving relationship or one that brings you drama? The choice is yours.

Filed Under: Relationships Tagged With:

Read These 10 Tips Before You Rent an Apartment

September 10, 2008 by

Today, most people are renting. When it’s time to renew the lease you may or may not stay at your apartment. Why are you moving? Is the complex noisy? Do the maintenance people ignore your “fix it” list? Are the leasing people clueless?

Before you move to a new place, make sure you know what to look for and what questions to ask the leasing manager and assistant manger.

For those who are in the market for a new place, make sure you do research. Visit a property during the day and night. Just because the property is nice and quiet during the day does not mean it will be at night. What types of people live in the complex? Are they young professionals? Are they mostly college students, let’s say from ASU who like to party and blare the radio 7 days a week? Are there young children? If there are children, do the parents discipline them? Do the parents allow their children to “scream” their heads off at 8 am on a Saturday morning?

If you have a pet, make sure the complex will allow your pet. Find out if there is a weight limit and what types and breeds of pets are allowed. Ask if there is a monthly pet fee and deposit.

10 Tips for Renting

  1. Visit the property during the day and night.
  2. Ask if the property allows pets, what kind, and if there is a weight limit.
  3. Is the complex non-smoking?
  4. Walk around the complex and observe the people.
  5. Make sure the grounds are well kept.
  6. Is parking ample? Will your friends and family be able to find a parking space?
  7. Ensure that the trash is not overflowing from the dumpster.
  8. Is the property well lit and secure?
  9. How old is the property? Are appliances and apartments updated?
  10. Stop residents and ask how long they have been at the complex? Are they renewing their lease year after year? Are the residents mostly transients?

Whether you are moving to your first or third apartment, now you know what to look for and what questions to ask. This will be your home for the next 12 or 14 months. Make sure the complex is the right fit for you. You do not want to be in a situation where you are paying a fee to break your lease. The fee can range from $800 – $1,600 depending on the property. Be prepared before signing your name on the dotted line!

Bonus!

  1. Ask if there are smoke detectors and a sprinkler system in the apartment.
  2. Inquire about dead bolt locks!
Filed Under: Personal Finance Tagged With:

Break Free From the Chokehold of Domestic Violence

August 18, 2008 by

Domestic violence. Night after night, the yelling and swearing coming from the apartment next door has become unbearable. Why does the woman on the other side of the wall stay with this man? A man who punches the wall, yells, and stomps the floor like a spoiled child that does not get his way.

Why do women stay with men who abuse them? Is it because they feel they are worthless? Do they have nowhere else to go? Are they dependent upon the men to support them financially? These are not good excuses for women to stay with men who treat them like garbage or property.

Domestic violence can be found cities and suburbs across the country. Do not be fooled and believe that abuse does not happen even in the wealthiest of cities or suburbs because it does. The facade of a luxurious apartment community can only work for so long. The walls have ears and the people on the other side may pickup the phone and dial 911!

If you are in a domestic violence situation, pickup the phone or find a shelter! Get out today in order to have a better future tomorrow. You are worth it! Take control of your life and contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Also visit Bank Rate (to learn about the impact of financial abuse in domestic violence relationships) and Medicine Plus.

Filed Under: Personal Development, Relationships Tagged With: ,

3 Ways to Stand in Your Power

August 7, 2008 by

According to best-selling author Debbie Ford “when we’re stuck in the pattern of people-pleasing, we do not have access to making clear choices. We are driven to fulfill others’ needs in order to be loved. In order to stand in our power, we must have the option of saying no. We have to be willing to give up the need for others’ approval and give up our need to make others happy. The truth is that not everyone will like us and it’s not our job to make others happy — just as it isn’t the job of others to make us happy.”

“It’s so easy to give our power away to oblige our partners or console our families. But if the choices we make rob us of too much of our private time, if they deprive us of our joy or our inner peace or prevent us from expressing our creative gifts, then ultimately they are violations we are perpetrating against our own souls. These violations do not affect just us in negative ways they affect all those around us.”

Stand in Your Power

  1. Do not forsake your own needs for another! Caring for another is different from pleasing another. When you genuinely care for someone, your actions take no effort. Pleasing another is giving your power away to that person. You do not feel good about your actions; resentment settles upon you. In order to care for another, you must care for yourself first!
  2. Make waves and speak your mind. Napoleon Hill said “opinions are the cheapest commodities on earth.” You have a right to speak your mind. Do not stay silent. Your thoughts and ideas can make a great contribution to society. Who knows, you may have the solution to a problem that a family, friend, or employer has been waiting for!
  3. Let go of guilt, feeling obligated, and the words “should and have.” Guilt can eat at you and cause tremendous stress. If you are going to help another, do so because you want to be of service. Feeling obligated to do something will not serve you or another!

In conclusion, ask yourself if you are standing in your power or trying to please another. Reclaim your power and life today! Parents, grandparents, former teachers, and others mean well, but do not realize how their words and actions will impact your adult life. Let go of old beliefs that you picked up from childhood which are not serving you today. As an adult, you have the right to change your thoughts, beliefs, and life. Live in the now and leave the past in the past!

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: ,
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