Women Don’t Settle for Less

I enrolled SWIHA’s (Southwest Institute of Healing Arts) Life Coaching program and joined their online community. I received this from one of my “friends” so I thought I would share it with all of you.

“A comedian friend of mine sent this to me a few days. It is an actual email she received from a fan of hers – this is a supposed email asking her out on a date – I think it has value because so many of us have “settled for less” in our lives. This correspondence shows a women who now knows what she is really worth.”

Read on:

“Hey lisa hi im ron love ur shows find u very very funny and kinda cute hmmm lol love to talk iwth u if possible feel free to contact me i wont bite unless u ask nicely ha but if ever in nyc lets hang out xoxo ron oh yeah im the guy in the middle” RonInNYC

Hey, Ron,

Got your e-mail and wanted to get back to you. You’re obviously a fan of mine and a very handsome gentleman, but just wanted to give you some feedback on how to approach a woman of quality like myself:

1) First of all, Ron, love that you find me “very very funny.” You leading with a compliment is a good thing. As you know, women eat that up!

2) Secondly, you state you find me “kinda cute.” Hmmm. “Kinda cute”? Didn’t you mean to say “Hot”? “Sexy?” “Voluptuous?” No? What about “Attractive”? Any of the above would’ve been fine — of course, without the “kinda.” Hell, I woulda thought it was “kinda cute” if you said I was “Cute.” But the “kinda”? That makes me wanna spin again! Huge turnoff. If you’re gonna give me a compliment, give me a real one. If you don’t want to give me a compliment in a certain area, don’t even bring the area up.

3) You say you’d “love to talk with me.” THAT, I like. I love to talk via email or over the phone with nice chocolate daddies like yourself, and would be pleased to make your acquaintance in that manner. So, before you decide if you’d like to answer this, please put plenty of prepaid minutes on your cell phone and get ready to talk — and by “talk,” I mean “talk” and not “text.” I only text in emergencies. I TALK to guys I want to get to know better. Phone contact helps avoid the emotional walls put up by texting and lets a person get to know someone better by actually hearing the other person’s voice.

4) Congratulations, Ron! You get mucho points for “I won’t bite unless you ask nicely.” Although I’ve heard this before, I still find it sexy and look forward to being bitten if things should work out. Great way to flirt without being overtly sexual. That overtly sexual crap is a HUGE turnoff for someone in my position. So, you’re a clear winner here.

5) Regarding your picture, all men should learn from you. Always surround yourself when taking a photo by less attractive men. That way, when looking at the photo, a woman will say, “Please let him be the guy in the middle,” and will sigh with relief when they read that indeed the guy in the middle is you. Keep those friends of yours around — you smoke them out of the water!

6) One last bit of advice: “Let’s hang out” isn’t asking me on a date. I don’t “hang out” with men. I “go out” with them. So if you’d like to take me on a proper date — and IF you don’t have a significant other — you can ask me nicely to go out with you after we’ve conversed a bit. “Hanging out” is something you do with your buddies or ho’s you’re not serious about — and I’m not interested in being either.

Oh, and just to help you out, here is the English translation of the message you sent me. Trust me: educated white women LOVE them some punctuation and capitalization.

Hey Lisa!

Hi. I’m Ron. I love your shows and I find you very, very funny and smokin’ hot! Hmmm . . .

I’d love to talk with you, if possible. Feel free to contact me — I won’t bite unless you ask nicely! And if you’re ever in New York City, let’s go out. I’d love to take you out on the town.

xoxo,
Ron

P.S. Oh yeah, I’m the guy in the middle.

Well, Ron, hope you’ve learned something from my note. If you’re still interested in corresponding, you can e-mail me at this address. I find you very cute — handsome, even — and I hope you read this with a sense of humor and sense of understanding. Either way, I wish you nothing but the best!

XO,
Lisa L.
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Is an Arranged Marriage the Key to a Successful Marriage?

Expedia.com

In India arranged marriages are still the norm. Interestingly enough, the divorce rate is 3% to 7%. Unlike the United States of America which has a divorce rate of 50%. That’s a big difference.

The news show 20/20 did a story on “The Science of Seduction: Why Him?, Why Her?” Biological Anthropologist Helen Fisher has researched this subject for numerous years. She conducted research with the help of her colleagues Arthur Aron and Lucy Brown.

Lovers were put into an MRI machine. Activity in the ventral tegmental part of the brain showed up when the lovers saw pictures of their partners. This was a revelation for Fisher. According to Fisher, “love is not an emotion but a mating device.” The ventral tegmental produces dopamine (stimulant) and sends it to the brain’s reward centers. These are centers for wanting, craving, motivation, focused attention and ecstasy.

Does this mean that sappy love songs and movies got it all wrong? According to the study conducted by Fisher, people fall into four categories: explorer, builder, negotiator, and director. People who were “matched” with their so-called “perfect mate did not have a long lasting relationship. One couple stayed together to find dating success; this was after the guy found another girl. There is no guarantee that you’ll fall in love even if you use a match maker.

The flip side to this study is arranged marriages which are stilled practiced in Indian cultures today. Ads are placed daily in many Indian newspapers by families who are looking for a husband for their daughter and a wife for their son.

One couple showcased in the 20/20 special married via an arranged marriage. The man was tired the “American” dating scene and contacted his family in New Dehli, India to find him a wife. Success! They found him one and they had a three day celebration. Does the Indian culture know something that we don’t?

A few things have changed with regards to arranged marriages: the rigid caste system is more relaxed and Indians may now marry outside of their own language and province. Families in India meet and get to know each other. They talk about their son or daughter’s past. Everything is revealed from habits to former addictions to their level of employment. Yes, it’s a background check!

India’s divorce rate is lower than the United States of America. Perhaps it’s the “getting to the point” of what they are looking for in a mate. There is none of this silly notion of a “knight in shining armor” coming to rescue them. So many women have been brought up with this concept throughout the years. Men and women know exactly what they are getting — no information is withheld from either party. No stone is left unturned!

Matrimonial classifieds can be found throughout India. Thanks to the internet, many of these agencies are online. With one click of the mouse, a husband or wife can be found. Odds are this is a marriage that will last.

There is something to be said of arranged marriages, honesty. Isn’t this a new idea? Before a bride and groom marry, all their cards are on the table. There’s no hiding of anything. After all, it would bring shame onto the family.

Americans in particular can learn from the Indian culture. It’s not a bad idea to be open and honest of what you are looking for in a relationship. Instead of stringing someone along, cut to the chase and tell what you’re looking for. People would save a lot of time, money, and tears.

The next time someone wants to fix you up on a date. Ask some questions about the man or woman. In fact, write down exactly what you’re looking for in a mate. Let family and friends know what you’re looking for. This will save you time and frustration in the long run. Not to mention hurt feelings.

10 Tips to Get Through the Holiday Season

The holidays can be a very stressful time for many people. Spending time with family and friends is supposed to be fun not cause pain and agony! Let’s face it nobody’s perfect and this includes you. Instead, make the decision to be thankful for the family you have because some people have none at all.

Many people “buy into” the holiday season. Each year we are bombarded with advertisements of what we should buy for our loved ones. Here’s a tip, you have a choice. You could choose not to give “traditional gifts.” You could make a donation to your mom’s favorite charity in her name. You could plant a tree in someone’s name. There’s no need to go out and buy the latest electronic equipment.

Another tip for gift giving is to concentrate on “small children.” If you have nieces and nephew, buy gifts for them. Children love Christmas and let them experience the magic of it.

10 Holiday Tips

  1. Shop early
  2. Keep your gift wrapping supplies in one place
  3. Buy for children only
  4. Make donations to charities in the names of your family and friends
  5. Keep decorating to a minimum
  6. Stick to your workout routine
  7. Get plenty of rest
  8. Do not get involved in family drama
  9. Accept people as they are; you cannot change them
  10. Accept invitations that you know you’ll attend

If you have high expectations for the holidays, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Trying to make things perfect will only make them worse. Before you know it, you’ll be so stressed out that you’ll be in no mood to celebrate the holidays. No one is perfect so just go with the flow and do the best you can.

Do not get involved in the family drama. If your aunts, uncles, and cousins do not get along, chances are they will not be getting along this year. It’s not your job to fix people. And — may be a miracle will occur and your relatives will get along. If not, who cares because it’s their issue and not yours!

The holidays are supposed to be a joyful time, but people make them into a big ordeal. Be grateful for things such as time off from work and your good health. Enjoy the time you spend with family and friends as much as you can. If you live out of state, you could be grateful that you’ll be getting on a plane and leaving the drama-rama in another state or country!

Parents Can’t Handle Children – Drop-Off, Drive Away, and Relinquish Rights

It seems that parents are “driving and dumping” their children to “safe drop-off zones” in the state of Nebraska. Apparently, Nebraska will be revisiting its safe haven law. Who knew that Nebraska had a safe-haven law?

According to an article posted on CNN.com, “parents are rushing to drop-off their teenage children at hospitals before lawmakers change the state’s troubled safe haven law.” The law does not have an age limit, but that is about to change.

A man from Miami, FL flew to Nebraska to leave his teenage son at a Nebraska hospital. A mother drove from Georgia to drop-off her teenage son. Talk about taking advantage of the dropping gas prices!

Perhaps Super Nanny can cruise to Nebraska and help the state straighten-out its safe haven law. When she’s finished with that issue, she can help all of the parents in the United States of America who cannot handle their children.

It would behoove men and woman in the United States of America to think twice before they decide to have children. Many people are messed up because of their childhood experiences. Instead of working on themselves, they jump into marriage or into bed with any man or woman and then reproduce. Please stop reproducing now! The world is not suffering from a shortage of people.

Being a parent in real life is different from what the situation comedies or dramas portray on television. Issues are not resolved at the end of 30 or 60 minutes! Moms and dads usually work more than 40 hours per week. Of course, some have financial debt that is crushing them emotionally, mentally, and physically. Most kids do not know what is going on because their parents do not tell them.

If we would teach our children the importance of birth control and abstinence, we would not read about how parents are taking advantage of the safe haven law in Nebraska. Furthermore, if we would incorporate teachings from Napoleon Hill, Eckhart Tolle, and the countless others who believe in “changing your thoughts, to change your life,” we would not hear of disturbing news such as parents driving to another state to “drop-off” their kids.

Perhaps, it’s time to make parenting classes mandatory for those who would like to reproduce. If couples pass the class, they can reproduce; if they don’t pass, well that’s life. Don’t even think about adopting a pet! If couples are not suitable to be parents, there’s no way they’ll be able to take care of a pet. They’re just as much responsibility as children are, if not more!

Maybe the government of the United States of America could get involved; they’re involved in everything else. The government could construct special drop-off centers for children. Parents can drop-off their kids and relinquish all of their rights. If they can’t raise them, allow other people to do so. Children deserve to be raised in a loving, stable environment versus one that is negative and unstable.

It’s know wonder why the world is in such turmoil. As a collective conscious we are creating situations in our lives that are not pleasant. It’s about time people start to take a good, long, and hard look at their lives. Men and women could question whether or not it’s a good idea to have children from an emotional and mental perspective. If the answer is “I’m not sure” or a resounding “NO,” then do not have children.

As human beings the urge to reproduce is in us. If men and women can’t take care of themselves, there’s no way they’ll be able to raise children. It takes more than love and finances to raise children. Emotional and mental stability is crucial. For those that grew up in abusive situations, the cycle will continue one way or another. Do not be fooled into thinking that “things will be different.” Unless help is sought to straighten out those inner demons that are still in control, the cycle will repeat with each generation.

If people do not change their mindset, we’re all going to suffer for it. Unfortunately, children are innocent victims that because their parents did not have someone to show them the way to salvation. The time is now to work on the inside so that the outside will be peaceful, calm, productive, and harmonious for all of us.

Online Dating: Is it the Same as Going to a Bar?

We all know that people use social media websites such as MySpace, Facebook, and countless others to find Ms. or Mr. Right. Don’t forget about dating websites like eHarmony and Match.com. But, can you really find that “special someone” through online dating? It’s easier to tell if someone is lying when meeting them in person versus the internet. Of course, being a good judge of character is also helpful.

Is it easier to meet people online? After all, you do have the buffer of the internet. Perhaps a few online chats here and there can be helpful before deciding to go out. Of course, it would not be a date, but a pre-date. Meeting at a cafe or smoothie shop is very popular these days. It takes the pressure off of a “real date” and gives people a chance to meet then decide if the next step is an actual date. Think of it like interviewing. First, there’s the phone interview. Second, you meet with your potential new boss. Finally, a decision is made whether or not to hire you.

Is online dating the same as going to a bar? How do you know that you’re not being fed “lines?” Many people do not use a current picture of themselves. Some use a picture that is 10 years old! When you meet face-to-face, feelings of anger and disappointment surface because the other person lied. That’s not a good way to start a date. A second date is out of the question.

Online dating can be a good way to ease back into the dating scene after a divorce or breakup. It allows you to communicate with someone without any pressure. If you decide that you’re not ready to date, all you have to do is tell the person from the comfort of your home versus in person.

Be mindful when using online dating. If your gut instinct says this does not feel right, end the chatting straight-away without any hesitation. Woman, more so than men, have a tendency to go against their gut instinct because they do not want to hurt someone’s feelings or believe they are over analyzing the situation. Ladies, it’s time to get over that mindset. If it does not feel right, run do not walk! You’ll be glad you did. That goes for you men out there as well.

Have you met that special someone online? Did you meet them on MySpace, Facebook, or some other site? Inquiring minds would like to know!

Relationship Rules That Rule!

Human beings are social creatures. We need intimacy, to be loved, and to love. Yet, many people have trouble with relationships. Most people have no idea of what a healthy relationship is because of their past. God only knows what happened in their childhood or in their young adult life that made them wary of connecting with others.

According to Hara Estroff Marano’s article on Psychology Today, there are “some basic rules of relationships.” For example, “choose a partner wisely and well. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They remind us of someone from our past. They shower us with gifts and make us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others.”

Tips on Relationships

  1. Do not confuse sex with love! Many people do this in their relationships which is why they do not work out. While you are at it, do not confuse lust with love! You may think that you love that man or woman, but in reality it’s only lust.
  2. Do you respect yourself? If you do not respect yourself, your partner will not respect you. Mutual respect and understanding of another is important in a relationship.
  3. Open and honest communication is key! Honesty and trust can do wonders for a relationship. Without these two components, your relationship may not last that long. If something is bothering you, speak up because your partner is not a mind reader. Unless, of course, you are dating or married to a psychic then it will not matter if you speak up because they will already know what is wrong.
  4. Apologize if you make a mistake! Many people have trouble admitting when they are wrong. It’s not that difficult to do. You are human, so you will make mistakes. Remember, the world will not end because you made a mistake! Just admit that you were wrong and ask for forgiveness. It will be a great learning experience for you.

Relationships do not have to be difficult. Be sure that open and honest communication is present in your relationship. Do not be totally dependent on your partner. It’s not their job to make you happy. That’s your responsibility. Remember, to love yourself first. If you cannot love yourself, how can you love someone else?

Your time on planet Earth may be short. Would you rather enjoy it in a fun-loving relationship or one that brings you drama? The choice is yours.

Why Do Married Men Cheat?

Oprah had two shows on “Why Do Men Cheat?” The first show caused such a ruckus that she decided to do a follow up show. Apparently, Oprah received many angry emails and voice mails from women.

So, why do men cheat? According to M. Gary Neumann men cheat for a variety of reasons. The main reason is they do not feel appreciated. M. Gary Neumann says that sex is not the reason why men cheat. Is this true?

Some women were appalled to hear that men cheat because they did not feel appreciated. Women called men who cheated “big babies” because they did not feel appreciated. Most of the men cheated because they felt their wives did not appreciate them for going to work or picking up the kids; the daily responsibilities. Some men felt their wives may have lost interest in them. They found other women who appreciated them and made them feel good about themselves. By the way, the women that the men cheated with were not prettier than their wives!

What are some of the signs that your man is cheating? Signs include always on the cell phone, extensive use of the internet, going out after work, and or a change in appearance. If you suspect your man is cheating, ask him. It’s that simple.

Marriage seems to change the relationship between men and women. When you’re dating it’s exciting! Once you receive that piece of paper the relationship goes in a different direction. Communication seems to go out the window faster than a speeding bullet! Why?

Here’s a tip for all of you married couples: make sure honesty, trust, and loyalty are present in your relationship before you get married. When you get married, reiterate that honesty, trust, and loyalty are important to your relationship. Open and honest communication is key!

According to M. Gary Neumann, married couples speak on average 12 minutes each day. Now wonder the U.S. has a high divorce rate. Apparently, the topics married people speak about are work, finances, sex, and the kids (if they have them). Boring! You mean to tell me that is all you have to talk about. Think back to when you were dating. Were you passionate about the environment and conservation? What happened to that passion?

The bottom line is that men and women have a strong desire to be appreciated. Is there anyone that does not want to be appreciated? And yes, this includes being appreciated for daily responsibilities such as going to work.

Women, thank God you have men who earn a steady income. Men, thank God you have wives who earn a good salary. The 3-week Jamaican vacation you are taking next year will be much sweeter since it is paid for! And for heavens sake, find other topics to discuss other than the “same old, same old.” Contact me if you need a list of topics!

Break Free From the Chokehold of Domestic Violence

Night after night, the yelling and swearing coming from the apartment next door has become unbearable. Why does the woman on the other side of the wall stay with this man? A man who punches the wall, yells, and stomps the floor like a spoiled child that does not get his way.

Why do women stay with men who abuse them? Is it because they feel they are worthless? Do they have nowhere else to go? Are they dependent upon the men to support them financially? These are not good excuses for women to stay with men who treat them like garbage or property.

Domestic violence can be found cities and suburbs across the country. Do not be fooled and believe that abuse does not happen even in the wealthiest of cities or suburbs because it does. The facade of a luxurious apartment community can only work for so long. The walls have ears and the people on the other side may pickup the phone and dial 911!

If you are in a domestic violence situation, pickup the phone or find a shelter! Get out today in order to have a better future tomorrow. You are worth it! Take control of your life and contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Also visit Domestic Violence.org and Medicine Plus.

Guys, Are You Still Using Horrible Pick Up Lines?

Listen up if you’re a guy and plan on using a pick up line! FYI: pick up lines rarely work! It’s a very bad move to use one. This is the latest pick up line used on me; “I don’t know if you noticed me starring at you all night long, but you are one very pretty lady. Hi, my name is so and so.” I was so “freaked out” by this line. The worst part is this happened to me at an event that I was volunteering at on Saturday, May 10. Guess what? The guy who used the line on me is an employee of the organization that I volunteer for. Great! I wanted to jump out of my skin and run like the wind. Yes, you need to “break the ice” if you see a woman who “catches” your eye. Why not be funny, original, or sincere? Not creepy! Forget about overtly sexual connotations. Double creepy!

Top 10 List of Horrible Pick Up Lines

  1. What’s your sign?
  2. Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to my prayers.
  3. What’s your name?
  4. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
  5. Do I know you from somewhere?
  6. I’m new in town. Could I have directions to your house?
  7. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
  8. I seemed to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
  9. Do you have a band-aid? Because I scraped my knee when I fell for you.
  10. You must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day.
  11. Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only 10 I see.

Read All About It!: Check out MSN.com, Ask Men, and Online Dating Magazine to learn even more horrible pick up lines guys use.

Here’s some advice, visit Barnes and Noble and pick up a couple of books on dating and relationships. When you approach a woman remember to be friendly not scary! Most importantly, gimmicks do not work! Good luck!

Barbara Walters Secret Exposed!

On Oprah’s May 6 show, Barbara Walters “exposed” her affair with former U.S. Senator Edward Brooke, who happens to be a black man. Who knew! Actually, I already knew because of the “promos” for the show. What I found intriguing was this: Barbara Walters did not consider herself a mistress because she was not supported financially by her former lover. Oprah mentioned how she had an affair with a married man and considered herself a mistress. But, she changed her mind because of what Barbara said about being a mistress. What?

Not to get religious on all of you, but I recall from my Catholic school days (see mom I did learn something) The Ten Commandments, specifically “Thou shalt not commit adultery!” I may as well throw in “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor’s!” What does not having been supported by former U.S. Senator Edward Brooke have to do with the affair? An affair is an affair no matter how you try to “spin” it! [Read more…]