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Warning: Law of Attraction Works All of the Time

March 27, 2012 by

If you haven’t heard of the ‘law of attraction,’ you’re probably new to metaphysical and or spiritual topics. The bottom line is that law of attraction works all of the time. You may not think it does, but it’s working every day.

Many people (and you may be one of them) are sick and tired of being sick and tired. They’re broke and poor. They’re depressed and anxious. They’re fed up with their lives and want to change. What happens? They stumble upon the law of attraction and think they’ve found a cure. Wrong!

The problem is most people (and you’re probably doing it right now) focus on what they don’t want or have. They go throughout their day and don’t realize they’re programming their subconscious mind.

Does this sound like you?

  • I hate my boss.
  • I can’t stand my spouse.
  • I hate my mother-in-law. Why does she always butt-in?
  • Why can’t I get ahead?
  • Oh God! It’s morning. Is it Friday yet?
  • Why can’t these kids do as they’re told?
  • What did I do to deserve this?
  • When will this life be over?
  • Why can’t I earn enough money to pay off my debt?
  • I need more money.
  • It’s hopeless.
  • I’m still in debt.

You probably resonated with one or more of the above. Don’t worry; you’re not alone.

The good news is that you recognize that you’ve been ‘negatively’ creating. Instead of focusing on the solution, you’ve been focusing on the problem(s).

It’s an eye-opener. Right?

Bless everything and everyone that’s come into your life that may seem like a challenge. There are lessons to be learned. The sooner you learn them, the faster you’ll be able to manifest what feels natural to you.

Follow the steps below to stop focusing on your problems and start attracting what you want into your life.

Law of Attraction: How to Attract What You Want 
the law of attraction

the law of attraction (Photo credit: Brenda Cooper)

Stop focusing on your problems.

This is easier said than done. But if you want to attract that which you want, it’s important to release your problems.

As Sonia Choquette would say, “Bless your mess.”

This sounds counter-intuitive. But if you keep complaining about your problems, you’ll attract more of the same.

Stop whining about this and that. Give all of your problems to God, creator, universal intelligence, spirit, or whatever term you use.

Release your problems once and for all. You’ll probably feel lighter once you turn everything over to a higher power.

Focus on the resolution.

What’s the opposite of being in debt? It’s being debt free. Furthermore, it’s prosperity.

Look at your life and see where you can find prosperity. Here are some examples:

  • You own a home.
  • You have a car and can afford to put gas in it.
  • You have a job. It may not be the one you want, but you receive a weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly paycheck.
  • You have a loving spouse/partner.
  • Your children are healthy.
  • Your parents are still alive.
  • Your grandparents are still alive.
  • You have food in your refrigerator.

Look at your life and you’ll find prosperity somewhere.

Instead of focusing on your credit card debt, thank God that it’s been paid off. Focus on the resolution. Don’t get caught up in the solution because you’ll drive yourself nuts!

Have faith and trust that everything will work out.

Feel good now.

Abraham-Hicks always say, “Feel good now.” If you’re constantly waiting for something, whether it is a windfall of money or weight loss, you miss out on feeling good now.

Be happy now, even though you’re still in debt or haven’t published your book.

Feel good now, even though your weight isn’t where you’d like it to be.

If you feel good now, you’ll attract more situations into your life that make you feel good. You’ll attract loving and supportive people, and the cranky ones will skip right out of your life.

Feel good now, be happy, and watch as the universe delivers you opportunities and people that you could have never imagined.

Use the above steps to use the law of attraction to your advantage. Focusing on problems creates more problems. Focus on the resolution, but don’t focus on ‘how’ your problems will be resolved. Follow your intuition and take the proper action. Give thanks that all is well and it will be.

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Spirituality: Carroll Blair Offers a Different Approach to Human Development

March 13, 2012 by

I had a Q&A session with Carroll Blair, author of more than twenty books, including five volumes of poetry. His latest book is “Human Natures, of Animal and Spiritual.” Spirituality matters and humans are looking for meaning in their lives now more than ever. Let’s explore some ideas from the philosophy of Human Natures, of Animal and Spiritual and see what they can contribute to the quest for a deeper, more spiritual life.

Spirituality and Human Development from a Different Approach

Human Natures, of Animal and Spiritual by Carroll Blair

1. Where did the idea come from for you to write Human Natures, of Animal and Spiritual? 

The idea for the book resulted from thinking about the connection between the major problems confronting the world of today and corruptions that have plagued humankind for centuries in various ways, what was behind them, and why a species of such gifts and potential was not going forward, failing to make progress where it is needed to take the next step in its evolution. What I heard from a number of professionals and proponents of new age philosophy/ spirituality/ human development wasn’t addressing what I perceived to be the root cause of the obstruction, or how much behaviors and attitudes will need to change and the work it will require to meet the challenges that humanity has created for itself and are now crucial to overcome for the sake of its future. Another factor in writing the book was being at odds with certain beliefs and popular influences of the present day that many have embraced who profess to be seeking a more spiritual way of life. For example, the modern view that has wide support of encouraging greater emphasis on self-esteem whether or not it is earned than on humility, and understanding the value and necessity of self-criticism where it is warranted. Being told you’re “special” and “extraordinary” regardless of merit, or advised to “celebrate who you are” even to the point of self-praise was not the advice to follow, I’d say, for those who want to develop into deeper, more wise and spiritually progressive human beings.

2. Humans constantly try to move forward from struggle, lack, fear, and negativity, why do most of them fail?

If the motive for wanting to move forward is of a low nature, then substantive growth that leads to spiritual maturity cannot be attained. Regarding the most worthwhile or virtuous goals, I think the reason for failing to achieve them is primarily an inadequate degree of courage, commitment and perseverance, getting frustrated with the demands of a long term undertaking that calls for great patience, especially when nowadays so much is about instant gratification, wanting to have it now or see immediate results, not willing to pay the price or make the sacrifices necessary to succeed in the mission of higher growth. It also isn’t easy to take a path that is different from that of most of the people around you, the pressure of social conformity often being stronger than the resolve to truly grow.

3. Many ‘experts’ tell people to repress their ego or ‘get rid’ of the ego. How can this be done if everyone was born with an ego? Wouldn’t it be counterproductive to try to rid ourselves of the ego? If the ‘ego’ is bad, why were we born with one? 

“Ego” in the sense of a self-centered, selfish-oriented state of being must be outgrown if humankind is to advance in its evolution. Early in human existence, given the harsh conditions of the wild and hazardous terrain of life and death that our distant ancestors were faced with, a predominantly self-centered base of operation was necessary to their survival, but now, a self-interest-above-all-else manner of living on a large scale can not only prevent humankind from moving forward, but fashion a world in which a promising future could be nothing more than a fantasy. It would, in fact, at this point in human history, be counterproductive to hold on to an egocentric way of living and thinking. To the question of being born with an ego, I will say the following: A caterpillar is not born a butterfly. It transforms into a butterfly, and in the process, sheds features that are of the caterpillar. In the same way, not everything that humans are born with should remain throughout their lives (or can remain) if they are to grow into the most beautiful and elevated of human forms.

4. What can humans learn from animals and nature? 

Humans can learn that they are part of a whole, with a responsibility to find harmony with that whole, and to live in a spirit of cooperation rather than domination. Every species on earth does exactly what it is supposed to do to keep the sacred balance of Nature in order, except the human species. Man is like the proverbial bull in the china shop in his relation to Nature and his environment. Why? Mainly because of avarice; of wanting more than he needs; of operating from a selfish-based impetus that is shortsighted, callous, and gravely unwise. No other species takes more than it needs to sustain its life, or destroys the habitats of other species in the process of securing its living. The absurdity of man’s behavior is that it is not only destructive to other life, but also his own, compromising the ecosystems on which his very existence depends, even to the point of irreparable harm. All reason calls for a change of consciousness, one that would deem it unthinkable to continue to abuse the environment and exploit its resources with disregard for the consequences of such behavior.

5. What is meant by transcendence? 

Transcendence to me is a state of consciousness; a consciousness that is higher than the day-to-day goings-on of the temporal; a state of mind and spirit that is beyond concerns of the ego, not interested in worldly power or extravagant wealth, not preoccupied with thoughts of personal gain, but of contribution, giving and working with consideration for the whole instead of for one (or for one’s own circle). A state of liberation from subjugation to the baser impulses of human-being, aspiring to the best of what human life can be.

6. How can humans move forward to create a better world for all ‘living’ beings? How do we break through cultural barriers? 

To move forward in the endeavor of creating a better world (of doing what one can for the endeavor) one must be free of the things that obstruct that advance, the battle for this liberation to be conducted within; a battle to overcome all that is of the animal of human-being that transgresses outside the realm of the physical, that moves into human character and manifests selfish behaviors that are harmful to others, and to realize we are here for just a brief time, and the only sense to be made, only meaning and noble purpose that can be created in such a reality is to focus on service and contribution for the good of the world, and what is higher and greater than an ego-based manner of life. To break through cultural barriers will require a change from thinking in terms of being a citizen of a country or nation to a citizen of a globe (of the planet earth), seeing the folly of ego fears and aggressions, which keeps the notion of “Us” and “Them” alive and senseless conflicts to continue on and on with increasing peril to all.

7. What can humans do to embrace spirituality and evolve to a higher vibration and or plane?

Work their way to the spiritual power and light within. Human evolution is an inner journey, an inner working needing the utmost sincerity and commitment to succeed. Teachings, practices, social exchanges of ideas regarding human development can help, but they are not enough to accomplish what is needed to evolve to a higher level (or highest levels) of human life. It will not happen by just wishing or praying it into being; it will not happen by putting faith in institutions to do what has to be done to eliminate the obstruction to spiritual advance, or waiting for a prophet to deliver humanity to a utopia or paradise on earth. It will only happen by individual efforts, human by human, engaged in the transformational work that will raise their lives to an enlightened state of spiritual industry, with hope that one day humanity can rise to the same by numbers of devoted aspirants high enough to turn this greatest of all dreams into reality.

Bio: Carroll Blair is the author of more than twenty books, including five volumes of poetry. His work has been favorably reviewed, as illustrated by the following commentary from Midwest Book Review, which proclaimed, “The poetic expression of Carroll Blair is both unique and compelling. Using word images like the strokes of a painter’s brush, Blair creates a resonating recognition that is the mark of a master poet.” He is an alumnus of the Boston Conservatory and lives in Massachusetts now working on material for future publications and cultivating a philosophy of human evolution through inner growth, the essence of that philosophy presented in Human Natures, of Animal and Spiritual. Visit Aveon Publishing to find out more about Carroll Blair.

 

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What Conscious Women Want from Men Partners

February 19, 2012 by

This is a guest post from Dr. Jim Sharon. He’s a licensed psychologist and certified life coach and has served in private practice in Colorado since 1977, specializing in men’s issues, couples counseling,wellness and in practical spirituality. He co-owns Energy for Life with his wife Ruth and is the Founder/Coordinator of Whole Man Expo and Whole Man Network in the Denver metro area. 

What Conscious Women Want from Men Partners

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Image via Wikipedia

A “conscious” person is one whose attitudes/values and actions are centered on overall well-being and development of oneself and others, including the environment and planet.

I have been married 41 years to a highly-conscious woman and have raised two daughters who are steadily following in their mother’s footsteps. Also, I have about four decades of experience working with “conscious” women as a therapist, consultant and seminar facilitator. Based on my extensive experience, here are some key qualities in men partners that women seek:

  • Foremost, high-functioning women want their mates to deeply appreciate, cherish and respect them. They want to be experienced and listened to on a heart level. With an aversion to being dominated or controlled, these women are drawn to men who, like themselves, seek an egalitarian relationship. These guys tend to have both a collaborative and assertive nature. While directly expressing their viewpoints,they communicate and resolve conflicts in a clear, “clean” and respectful manner. Furthermore, they typically collaborate with their female partners in parenting,sharing household tasks/chores, and in joint decision-making.
  • Distinctly “conscious” women place a premium on mutual personal development and on growth as a couple. They are especially attracted to well-balanced men, who integrate traditional male and female traits—i.e. they are androgynous. Such men blend inner-direction with being active “in the world.” For example, in addition to enjoying career success and being sociable, these guys tend to be introspective, emotional and spiritually-based. Although desiring various forms of intimacy with their partners, “strong” women prefer a lot of independence and want their men to need considerable autonomy, as well.
  • Essentially, “self-possessed” women, who have genuine self-esteem, seek male partners who are clearly “comfortable in their own skins” and in turn, are available to champion and nurture their overall well-being.

To learn more about Dr. Sharon and his wife Ruth, please visit Energy for Life and Mens Anthology.

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Say Goodbye to Every Year the Right Way

December 31, 2011 by

Many of us can’t wait to say goodbye to 2011 because it was a year filled with heartache, financial ruin, devastation, etc. To put it bluntly, it was one hell of a year! Luckily, 2012 is right around the corner and you can begin anew. However, before you dash out of 2011, you may want to conduct an ending ritual. It’s a way for you to contemplate what happened in 2011 and how you want 2012 to be different. Warning: This will take honesty. If you’re not willing to take an honest look at 2011, whatever ritual you do won’t work.

I purchased Robert Ohotto’s Endings: A Conscious Inventory and Release of Last Year and conducted my ending ritual today. I had a lot of baggage to release, again. I was amazed at what came up and am determined to make 2012 a great year! No more excuses, no more giving advice when someone doesn’t ask for it, no more worrying because it only creates more worrying; no more people pleasing, no more worrying what this or that person will take, and no more B.S. in my life!

If you really want to start 2012 on the right foot, consider purchasing Robert’s Endings MP3 download. It could change your life now and in the future.

Wishing You and Yours a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year!

Amandah

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How to End the Year and Plan for the New Year in 7 Easy Steps

December 20, 2011 by

Yesterday, for the fun of it, I pulled three Tarot Cards from the Lifestyle section of MSN.com. I received the Five of Cups for the Challenges card. My question was, “What career path is right for me?” Here’s an excerpt:

When the Five of Cups is in this position, maximize what is left after loss. The receiver of this card received copious potential in the five cups shown, but three of them have been upended and their contents spilled into the earth. Whether it was carelessness or destiny that spilled these cups isn’t ultimately important.

The ending of the reading got me to think about this year and the challenges I faced. Actually, it’s been a challenging four years! Even though I have 3 cups that spilled, I still have 2 cups left. I can use them wisely to rebuild my resources. I can make the best of what is left and cultivate a new beginning. I can stay optimistic.

I use the word ‘plan’ in the title of this blog post very loosely. There’s a saying, “Man plans and God laughs.” True, you can’t plan everything in life; however, it helps if you have a ‘general idea’ of where it is you’re going or what you want to do. It also helps to Let Go and Let God which means … Throw your intentions out into the universe and release them. According to Les Brown, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” End the year with a little self-reflection and preparation for the New Year. Below you’ll find tips on how to do that.

How to End the Year and Plan for the New Year in 7 Easy Steps

1. Reflect on the year by asking the following questions:

  • What did I learn about myself that I didn’t already know?
  • What obstacles did I face? How did I overcome them?
  • What was good about this year?
  • What was not-so-good about this year?
  • What were the BIG LESSONS from this year? What did I learn from them?
  • How did I strengthen my spiritual growth?
  • How did I evolve?
  • What was my biggest success? What was my biggest blunder?
  • How did I self-sabotage myself this year? List the ways.
  • How many people moved out of my life? Why? What did I learn by them leaving?
  • How many people moved into my life? How did I draw them to me?
  • Anything else I might add.

2. If you moved during the year, remember the following, “When you move, you take yourself with you.” If you move again in the New Year, remember you take yourself wherever you go. Be mentally, emotionally and physically prepared to move.

3. Write letters to people who’ve hurt you or vice versa. Please do not mail these letters! This is an exercise for you to exercise these people from your mind.

4. Accept what happened during the year and release it. Do not carryover any grudges to the New Year. Forgive and let them go. What’s done is done. Learn from it and move on with your life.

5. Give thanks that you made it through another year. Be thankful you survived the year. The New Year is a blank slate. Do not take it for granted.

6. Become very clear about what it is you want for your life, for the New Year. Write down your dreams, hopes, and desires. Stop focusing on your current reality and start writing a script for your life. What does your life look like? What career do you have? Who’s in your family? What kinds of people surround you? Write it all down.

7. Focus and mediate on what your life will look like in the New Year. Once you become clear about what it is you want for your life, focus on it. Don’t focus on the how or when. Just focus!

Amandah

 

 

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Thornton Wilder’s Our Town Teaches You to Appreciate Life

December 12, 2011 by

Recently, I re-read Thornton Wilder‘s Our Town. I read this play when I was in high school. But like most teenagers, I never really paid attention to it. I rediscovered Our Town by watching an episode of My So Called Life on Netflix. Rayanne, Angela Chase‘s party animal of a friend, tries out for their high school production of Our Town and is cast as Emily and delivers a remarkable performance. It was a tear-jerker.

Synopsis of Our Town

Our Town is introduced and narrated by the Stage Manager who welcomes the audience to the fictitious town of Grover’s Corner, New Hampshire on a May morning in 1901. The stage is sparse and the Stage Manager introduces the characters; they pantomime their activities and chores throughout the play. The ‘big event’ of George Gibbs and Emily Webbs wedding happens in Act II. The ‘bigger event’ of Emily’s death in childbirth happens in Act III. The audience sees the town gathered in the cemetery for Emily’s funeral. They also see the deceased residents of Grover’s Corners at the funeral who try to warn Emily not to go back and observe her childhood. Emily realizes they were right after she sees her and her family and how they really weren’t ‘present’ in each other’s lives.

What Our Town Can Teach You about Life

It’s in Act III where Emily realizes that the residents of Grover’s Corner don’t realize life while living it. They hurry through their days without noticing what’s happening around them; they brush-off their children because they’re too busy preparing meals or cleaning. They don’t stop to savor their food and drink, clothing, sleeping, etc. They won’t know how much they missed until they die and then it will be too late.

Today, most people waste time in various ways from being couch potatoes to hurrying about from one place to the other. They play video games instead of getting outside in the sunshine and exercising. They waste time worrying about this and that; they waste time being lazy. To quote Simon Stimson, “they move about in a cloud of ignorance; to go up and down trampling on the feelings of those … of those about you. To spend and waste time as though you had a million of years.” I couldn’t have said it better.

Our Town may have been published in 1938, but its message is applicable today. If people don’t realize what a precious gift life is, they’ll have regrets on their deathbed. They’ll have wished they did this or that; wished they would have taken more risks; wished they would have taken a job opportunity in another state or country; and so forth. Don’t allow this to happen to you! Pickup a copy of Our Town and learn from the people in Grover’s Corners. Allow Emily’s spirit to teach you that life is in the here and now. Once it’s gone, that’s it. There’s no coming back and rejoining the human race.

Amandah

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Interview with Farouk Radwan of 2 Know Myself — Part II

December 11, 2011 by

Here’s Part II of my interview with Farouk Radwan, owner of 2 Know Myself.com, a website that offers visitors practical solutions to most life problems.

About Farouk

Farouk Radwan is the founder of 2knowmyself.com, the one who wrote all the 2000+ articles found on the website and the author of all 2knwomyself.com’s books.

He’s a motivational speaker and trainer, he is studying psychology since he was 17, in addition he is the owner of the company Empowerment (based in Egypt) which is specialized in delivering personal development courses to individuals and corporations.

Learn more about Farouk Radwan at 2 Know Myself.com.

Interview Questions

1. I noticed the article category titled “Attraction Psychology.” What is it? How does it work? 

All research findings have shown that attraction, like any other process, is governed by rules. If someone managed to know these rules then certainly he will be able to use them to attract others to him.

The Attraction psychology section in the site attempts to explain how attraction works. It also contains practical advice that can help people attract friends or even lovers to them.

2. The book How to make someone fall in love with you (Based on the psychology of falling in love) sounds intriguing. If someone doesn’t want to fall in love with you, how healthy is it to make someone fall in love with you? How effective is it for long-term relationships? If someone brain washes another into falling in love with them; wouldn’t the relationship be considered fake or false? What happens when ‘reality’ sets in? 

People always ask me that question because it touches an important ethical point. Any kind of knowledge can either be used in a good way or a bad way. For example, if you really love someone then you will have to change personality in order to appeal to him instead of fooling him just to let him believe that you are the one he is looking for.

The previous advice covers half of the techniques in the book. The second important point is that sometimes the main reason people fail to attract others is that they do behavioral mistakes. By changing their behavior permanently in such a way that makes them more attractive they will manage to attract the person they love and they won’t be fooling anybody.

3. What do you hope visitors gain from visiting to 2 Know Myself? 

I really wish to make people live better lives. If someone was feeling really bad, and I managed to life his mood even a little bit then I will feel really happy.

I want people to learn how to deal with their emotional problems so that they can live happier lives.

4. What is your personal philosophy?

Life is like a battle, only those carrying swords cut their way through.

In other words, life is not simple. It was not designed for the lazy or for the coward. If you want to reach what you want in life then you must be brave and start fighting back.

5. Anything you’d like to add? 

Well it’s not about me but it’s about you. I think your blog, MisticCafe.com is really helping people as well and that’s why it caught my attention. I am really happy that I got this chance to know you. Just keep up the good work. 🙂

I’d like to thank Farouk for his interview. I found his website to be very useful and refreshing because it offers practical solutions to life’s problems. I love science and like how Farouk ties in psychology and science within his materials.  ~ Amandah

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Interview with Farouk Radwan of 2 Know Myself — Part I

December 10, 2011 by

Here’s Part I of my interview with Farouk Radwan, owner of 2 Know Myself.com, a website that offers visitors practical solutions to most life problems. 

About Farouk

Farouk Radwan is the founder of 2knowmyself.com, the one who wrote all the 2000+ articles found on the website and the author of all 2knwomyself.com’s books.

He’s a motivational speaker and trainer, he is studying psychology since he was 17, in addition he is the owner of the company Empowerment (based in Egypt) which is specialized in delivering personal development courses to individuals and corporations.

Learn more about Farouk Radwan at 2 Know Myself.

Interview Questions

1. What as the motivation behind creating 2 Know Myself? Why did you create the website?

I was passionate about psychology and after reading for years I felt that I have something to deliver to people through my writings. Honestly, I had the intention of making it an internet business since the first day I started.

2. What makes 2 Know Myself different from other personal development and or self-help websites? 

2knowmyself offers practical solutions to most life problems. You can hardly find an advice on 2knowmyself that is just based on a theory or my personal analysis, but instead you will only find practical advice that is backed by research findings and real life experiments.

2A. What do you think of the ‘new age’ movement in the 21st century? Can people really transform their lives by reading popular books like The Secret and others like it? Is it that easy to ‘think a thought’ and change your life? Or, is there actually work involved? 

Of course, I believe people can dramatically change their lives through books and personal development. However, when it comes to The Secret I strongly believe that positive thinking that is not backed by hard work and real life actions will not lead anywhere. Let’s suppose a person wants to lose weight, if he lied in bed and started imagining his ideal body he will only gain more weight unless he starts moving!

So … positive thinking, optimism and all of these factors can help the person who takes actions and not the one who lies in bed waiting for miracles to happen.

3. What is NLP and how can it help people change their lives for the better? 

NLP in fact is not a new science; it’s just a collection of information that was already available before in the form of complex psychological principles. The people who came up with NLP simplified this complex information into simple techniques in such a way that allowed the average person to apply them and make impressive changes to his life.

4. What would say is the “Number 1” obstacle in peoples’ lives? How can people overcome the obstacles in their lives?

False beliefs! A human being can do whatever he believes he can do, that is the only weak point in the chain is his own belief system. Let’s suppose that I had to lift a heavy object in order to keep moving in the same direction. If I was a very powerful man but believed that I am weak, I will never try to lift the weight that is standing in my way and will become helpless.

In short, without false beliefs you can do miracles.

This concludes Part I of my interview with Farouk. Part II of my interview with Farouk will post tomorrow.

I’d like to thank Farouk for his interview. I found his website to be very useful and refreshing because it offers practical solutions to life’s problems. I love science and like how Farouk ties in psychology and science within his materials.  ~ Amandah

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Interview with Vanessa Lee from Smile Inside

December 7, 2011 by

The following is an interview with Vanessa Lee, owner of Smile Inside, a personal development organization that advocates for the wellbeing and personal development of youth.

Vanessa Lee graduated with a Bachelor’s of Science in Education from Ohio University and was selected for an advanced program that provided extensive experience and training in innovative methods of teaching. She has over 300 hours of professional development along with additional training that has contributed to her knowledge in the field of personal development. 

Ms. Lee developed and co-facilitated a mentoring program and developed and facilitated a grade 7 girls program at Debney Park Secondary College. She also worked with students and groups at The Grange Primary, Newport Gardens Primary, and Derrimut Primary and continued working for Mackillop Family Services on a freelance basis with individuals on social, emotional, and academic levels.

Vanessa’s experiences inspired her to develop and provide resources for professionals who work with youth as well as for parents and their children ages 5-12. Visit Smile Inside to learn more. 

Interview Questions

 1. How did you come up with the idea for Smile Inside? What was the inspiration for it? 

I started out teaching in Kansas City, Missouri and saw how social problems affected families which had an impact on learning in the classroom. I wanted to contribute to the world and thought if young people had all the tools they needed to deal with life then the social problems wouldn’t be so bad, families wouldn’t fall apart as much, and kids would embrace learning and follow their dreams. I believed that an ideal way to do this is through education in schools, but was disappointed when I learned over the years that the things I thought should be considered priorities were shoved to the side to make way for test preparation. How can a child be expected to learn if they are struggling emotionally? Another huge hindrance is that teachers just don’t have enough time, support or resources to manage to the best of their ability.

I was really inspired by the courses and camps that taught me about myself and made such a huge difference in my life in middle school and high school. I was disappointed to learn that these sorts of experiences weren’t accessible to everyone and that it just wasn’t a priority in the school curriculum. I feel it is in everyone’s best interest to have access to these types of programs and activities.

Smile Inside is about advocating for personal development in schools and providing the services and resources that schools’ and those who work with youth deserve and need.

2. What do you think about the increase in bullying among today’s youth? Does Smile Inside educate youth about bullying? What about educating parents and educators about the short and long term effects of bullying? How can bullying be avoided in the future?

I find bullying heartbreaking, especially among young people. I was a student welfare coordinator in a 7-12 high school in Australia for 3 years (similar to a counselor) which gave me a greater insight on how bullying affects lives. Victims need support and coping strategies which is a part of Smile Inside’s method, but this is only a band-aid approach. There is a disturbing lack of empathy in bullies, but there are also emotional issues which cause their behavior. One of my intentions in developing the Smile Inside programs and resources was to eliminate bullying behaviors. There are a number of reasons why bullies act out and they, along with everyone else, can benefit from support, guidance and positive attention. Some of the activities emphasize that everyone deserves respect by focusing on the development of empathy. Participants are also given the opportunity to express themselves, explore their self-talk, and learn coping skills. Other activities give individuals the confidence they need to battle insecurity which is often a cause of bullying.

I would hope that all parents and educators understand the importance of dealing with the bullying issue, but this is not always the case. In schools, most teachers do their best to stamp it out but again, lack of time, support and resources work against them. Parents sometimes get involved but they can go about it in the wrong way. Smile Inside’s main aim is to educate youth, but the anti-bullying strategies are communicated to teachers, and parents in most cases.

I think a reasonable way to abolish bullying is through focused detection and intervention efforts using a Restorative Justice approach. I also think a prevention/intervention effort using a “heal the bully” approach is effective. These kids are hurting so much on the inside that causing others suffering is one way they cope with what’s going on internally. One activity I do with youth is called, “The Problem with Villains”. It gets participants working out how to rationalize bullies’ behaviors and brainstorming solutions to solve the problem in a group situation where bullies are present, but not targeted. Once bullies realize their behavior may be coming from a problem in their life they are more likely to soften and be open to help and healing. This indirect approach is more effective than the confrontational, negative attention they receive when they ‘get in trouble.’ Schools need more support and resources to tackle this issue properly. This could be done with more government funding and by creating strong partnerships with organizations that specialize in this area.

3. According to the website, “Smile Inside trains Educators, Student Welfare Coordinators, Youth Workers, Camp Counselors, Secondary School Nurses, and Chaplains to increase their effectiveness when working with groups of youth via peer observation.” What benefits have youth received as a result from Smile Inside working with people in the above fields?

Professional development is a never-ending process to become the best we can be in our field. Gaining inspiration and new ideas from fresh approaches helps these professionals to hone their skills and try new things. The youth benefit because the ones they trust are enhancing the style of their interactions with them. A new tactic just may work with a child who before, they had problems reaching.

4. How does Smile Inside help young people be true to themselves when parents, peers, society, etc. want them to be something they’re not? 

The Smile Inside philosophy maintains that an individual with an authentic sense of self, social skills, and resilience will be well-equipped to face life’s challenges and find success in all aspects of life. In other words, if they know and feel confident in who they are, they can remain true to their convictions and stand up to adversity when it comes their way whether that be in the form of a parent, a peer or an employer.

The soon to be independently-published resource, Smile Inside: Experiential Activities for Self-Awareness, Ages 14-15 specifically gives youth the space to develop their sense of self. It helps them to explore their mind, needs, values, morals, perception of self, emotions, abilities, interactions with others and interests through activities, reflection, and discussion.

5. Is it easier for youths to master their behaviors and minds versus adults? What can adults learn from today’s youth in this area?

This is a difficult question to answer as everyone is unique. I am not so sure that age is a factor; some are more ready than others depending on many conditions. I do believe if young people are given access to techniques that will support their ability to master their behaviors and minds they have a definite advantage in succeeding in life.

Adults can learn so much in all areas from youth if they are willing to listen. Young people have a lot to offer and there is much to gain from their perspective. As far as learning to slow down, focus and follow our hearts, let’s hope we can be inspired by whoever is doing so, child, teen or adult.

6. What is your ‘personal philosophy’ for life? 

Love, peace, and happiness. 🙂

7. Anything you’d like to add? 

I am very excited to finally be publishing two resources that I have been working on since the age of 14. I have been collecting all the activities that have made a positive impact on me and have been testing, revising and creating even more since. They are in the form of handbooks for those who work with youth titled, Smile Inside: Experiential Activities for Self-Awareness Ages 12-14 and Smile Inside: Experiential Activities for Self-Awareness Ages 14-15. I am also in the process of trialing a resource for parents which is a positive reinforcement system for children, ages 5-12.

How Can Vanessa Lee and Smile Inside Help?

I’m a kid coach: In primary schools I get to see them in action in the classroom and work with them in and outside of the classroom on academics, social skills and self awareness. In the past, I have also worked with middle school aged students in relatively the same manner. At the present, I am also being contracted to work with individuals, mostly young people who are having academic, social, and emotional difficulties. Quite a few of them are in foster care or residential units.

Counseling: When I work one-on-one with young people in an academic setting whether it be at a school or private tutoring, I find that part of the job is counseling. I like to empower young people with skills that help them become who they truly want to be. If their goal is negative, I strive to steer them towards a more positive outcome through a variety of methods. Having individuals looking at their physical, mental, emotional and spiritual (if appropriate) levels of self is a wonderful base to help them realize their potential.

Meditation and Yoga: I trained as a yoga instructor and I use what I have learned to help others. Silencing the mind, using a mantra to focus, slowing the breath, creative visualization and using balancing poses to focus are all techniques that I incorporate into helping youth to learn self-awareness.

Visit Smile Inside to learn more about Vanessa Lee and her organization.

Amandah

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What I Learned from Reading Peace from Broken Pieces: How to Get Through What You’re Going Through

November 23, 2011 by

I recently finished reading Peace from Broken Pieces: How to Get Through What You’re Going Through by Best-Selling author Iyanla Vanzant. I saw Ms. Vanzant on Oprah‘s farewell season — it was a good show! I didn’t run out and get the book, but months later I ordered it from the library. I admit I started doing this as a way to ‘try a book before I buy it.’ I decided I want to add this book to my library.

I found the book to be very moving, especially when Iyanla spoke about her daughter, Gemmia. I recognized myself in Gemmia; I also recognized my mother to a certain extent in Iyanla. I also recognized my father in Gemmia’s father, even though my father didn’t leave; he was an abusive alcoholic and in a sense, checked out of my life.

Like Gemmia, I threw myself into school and got good grades and was responsible. I was looking for validation from my father that I really didn’t get. He tried to tell me how proud he was when I earned my B.S., Accounting degree; however, I always felt that a part of him was jealous that I did earn a college degree. He wanted a degree and attended college here and there, but never earned a degree.

I also learned that it would be in my best interest to let go of the anger towards myself. I forgave my mom and dad; I realized they parented me based on they were parented. They didn’t know better which is why they didn’t do better. However, I still haven’t forgiven myself for the decisions I’ve made along the way such as pursuing an accounting degree, when I wanted a marketing degree. I also wanted to pursue art and writing. I pursued an accounting degree to please my father. There’s another lesson — people pleasing seems to run rampant in my family.

Getting back to forgiving myself … I need to let go of the anger I have towards myself because my life hasn’t worked out as I thought or planned it to. For example, I moved to Arizona in 2007, and three years later I was living back home with my mom in my home state. I kept beating myself because I know I’m responsible and it should have worked out because I planned everything out. I also allowed certain people to ‘guilt’ me into thinking I made a mistake by moving to Arizona; I left my mom and sister. I now realize I can’t help it if certain family members are scared to take a risk such as moving out of state. I now know — it’s none of my business. I also realized that sometimes family members won’t have your back. It is what it is. I’m now determined to ‘create’ my own family, a family of loving and supportive people.

BTW: I released my hold on Arizona when I read Iyanla’s words about hearing her daughter say, “Let go of the physical.” I re-read those words over and over until it sank into my brain.

I realize that I need to acknowledge my disappointment about my move to Arizona and other things that have occurred in my life — there are too many to list here. It’s not easy for me to wade into disappointment; I’m a fun loving Leo (horoscope sign). I know if I want to continue to heal, it would behoove me to feel the pain and work through it. If I don’t, I could repeat the self-sabotaging pattern. I’d rather work through it.

I also realized that Gen X and Gen Y could benefit from life coaching from their peers. No offense — but most life coaches seem to be old enough to be my mom or dad. I’m not saying I can’t learn from these people, obviously I learned from Ms. Vanzant, but it’s nice to hear from my peers and how they released and forgave their past, parents, spouses, them, etc. It makes think, “Gee, I’m not alone.” This is why I’m glad Iyanla wrote about her daughter, Gemmia, and her life experience.

I would recommend reading Peace from Broken Pieces: How to Get Through What You’re Going Through. If you’re ready to really get to the ‘heart’ of your family’s pathology and recognize the patterns, this book is for you. If not, that’s alright. Perhaps, one day you’ll be ready.

Best,
Amandah

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