It’s Not Your Job to Enlighten Others

The refraction of a light in a prism is due to...

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Are you trying to ‘enlighten‘ the people in your life? Believe it or not, you could be overstepping your bounds. I never thought about this until I listened to Robert Ohotto‘s recent Soul Connexion podcast on Power vs. Powerlessness in Relationships – Letting Go. Robert said, “You don’t have power to make someone see the light. You can’t make someone see the light or you. It’s not your job to make them see it or you. This could be a violation of their boundaries. Also, some people aren’t scheduled to wake up. You could damage their psyche, damage them more. You’re not helping them.” Who knew?

According to Robert, “It’s best to honor the time of your own awakening. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help.” These are great points. Instead of trying to enlighten the people in your life just leave them alone. You’ll become powerless and exhausted if you continue to wake people up. For example, you can’t force an addict to go into rehab if they don’t acknowledge or think they have a problem. Although you mean well, you can’t control or change someone. It’s best to accept this and move forward with your life.

It’s great if you’re on a spiritual and or transformational journey, but the people in your life may not want or be ready to come along for the ride. You can either accept this or try to force the people in your life to become enlightened. If you do the latter, it may not bode well for your relationships. In fact, it could implode them. While it will be painful to walk away from the relationships in your life, it could be the best decision for you.

“Surrender your powerlessness because you’ll gain presence of mind. You’ll stop wasting time and energy trying to change others. You get to be yourself and feel what you want to feel.” Robert Ohotto

Familial relationships are usually the most difficult. If you’re a people pleaser, you are not being authentic. You’re manipulating the people in your life to get what you want. You can’t make your mother, father, sister, brother, etc. value you. You can’t force it no matter how much you try. While it’s painful that your family may not be supportive, realize they’re having their own earthly experience that you can’t control.

The next time you’re tempted to enlighten the people in your life, think again. You can’t tell them what to do. Why would you want to? Do you really need another full-time job? If the people in your life want to change, they’ll ask you for advice and help. Until that happens, stop trying to enlighten people and enjoy your life. Stand in your own power and stop forcing others to do the same.


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  1. Your words and Ohotto’s resonate with my own experiences and learning how to be present for someone without trying to change them. We mean well, but we can easily overstep. Thanks for this wisdom.

  2. Rebecca says:

    I too meant well, trying to help my family make a shift. They’ll wake up when they’re read to do so. 🙂

  3. This article hit home and I speak of this frequently on my blog. I realize that I have been (quickly growing out of it) too concerned about others. Although I often think I am helping, I am realizing that it is not my place to always insert myself into others lives. Thanks for the post.

  4. Rebecca says:

    Thanks Ashley! It took me a while to realize I wasn’t helping the people in my family. I meant well, but I now know it wasn’t my place to help. They know where to find me if they need help or guidance.