How do You Get Self-Worth – Part 1

Love yourself.

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This is Part 1 of How do You Get Self-Worth?

During Finding Sarah on OWN, Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, spoke with financial guru Suze Orman. Sarah’s finances are in disarray but Suze concluded that money isn’t the issue — self-worth is the issue. The Duchess of York asked, “How do you get self-worth?” Suze replied, “It isn’t just one thing. You need to figure it out for yourself.” This can be easier said than done.

What is self-worth? According to, the definition of self-worth is “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect; respect for or a favourable opinion of oneself.” What does this mean? It means you see yourself as successful and  competent. You’re a responsible adult who can handle life no matter what happens.

Unfortunately, self-worth is usually formed by the people closest to us like parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles, friends, teachers, bosses, etc. Sometimes these people aren’t the best at shaping self-worth because they’re unhappy. Life events like divorce or death of a parent can temporarily shape your self-worth. The good news is you have the power to define your self-worth.

How to get self-worth?

1. Identify characteristics of self-worth that resonate with you. Your characteristics could be learning to accept yourself no matter what. You could begin not to care what people think of you. Dr. Wayne Dyer often says, “What other people think of me is none of my business.” Your characteristics of self-worth won’t be the same as someone else. Don’t compare what you think about self-worth to another person.

2. Identify your talents. What are you good at? Make a list of your talents and review them. You’re probably more talented than you think.

3. Celebrate your accomplishments. How often do you congratulate yourself? If you’re like most people, you probably don’t celebrate your accomplishments. It’s time to ‘pat yourself on the back’ and acknowledge that you did a good job.

4. Write down every negative word spoken over or to you. This may be painful, but it’s a necessary step to regaining self-worth. You probably stuffed down your emotions when someone called you “stupid” or said, “You won’t amount to anything; you must work hard for money.” Bring all of your emotions to the surface and get them out. Evaluate your list and ask yourself, “How true are/were these words?” Remember, parents usually raise children based on how they were raised. If they were raised in an abusive, dysfunctional family, chances are their children will be raised in the same environment. It’s a vicious cycle that you can break.

5. Forgive. This isn’t easy for most people; they’d prefer to throttle the people who hurt them. If the people who hurt you are no longer here (physically speaking), write them a letter and burn it. Remember, forgiveness isn’t about condoning what someone did to you. It’s about releasing the stuck emotions and energy so you can move forward in life.

6. Reevaluate your relationships. Is it helpful to be around people who belittle you? Is it helpful to be around people who don’t support you? Like it or not, your family may not be the best for you. Cutting ties with them is up to you; however, it’s in your best interest to limit the amount of time you spend with them. There’s no reason to allow negativity into your life which can wreak havoc on your mind, body, and soul. Don’t commune with people who don’t support or love you.

7. Take responsibility for your life. Acknowledge that you alone are responsible for your life. Live your life the way you want to and allow no one to tell you what to do.


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