What Conscious Women Want from Men Partners

This is a guest post from Dr. Jim Sharon. He’s a licensed psychologist and certified life coach and has served in private practice in Colorado since 1977, specializing in men’s issues, couples counseling,wellness and in practical spirituality. He co-owns Energy for Life with his wife Ruth and is the Founder/Coordinator of Whole Man Expo and Whole Man Network in the Denver metro area. 

What Conscious Women Want from Men Partners

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A “conscious” person is one whose attitudes/values and actions are centered on overall well-being and development of oneself and others, including the environment and planet.

I have been married 41 years to a highly-conscious woman and have raised two daughters who are steadily following in their mother’s footsteps. Also, I have about four decades of experience working with “conscious” women as a therapist, consultant and seminar facilitator. Based on my extensive experience, here are some key qualities in men partners that women seek:

  • Foremost, high-functioning women want their mates to deeply appreciate, cherish and respect them. They want to be experienced and listened to on a heart level. With an aversion to being dominated or controlled, these women are drawn to men who, like themselves, seek an egalitarian relationship. These guys tend to have both a collaborative and assertive nature. While directly expressing their viewpoints,they communicate and resolve conflicts in a clear, “clean” and respectful manner. Furthermore, they typically collaborate with their female partners in parenting,sharing household tasks/chores, and in joint decision-making.
  • Distinctly “conscious” women place a premium on mutual personal development and on growth as a couple. They are especially attracted to well-balanced men, who integrate traditional male and female traits—i.e. they are androgynous. Such men blend inner-direction with being active “in the world.” For example, in addition to enjoying career success and being sociable, these guys tend to be introspective, emotional and spiritually-based. Although desiring various forms of intimacy with their partners, “strong” women prefer a lot of independence and want their men to need considerable autonomy, as well.
  • Essentially, “self-possessed” women, who have genuine self-esteem, seek male partners who are clearly “comfortable in their own skins” and in turn, are available to champion and nurture their overall well-being.

To learn more about Dr. Sharon and his wife Ruth, please visit Energy for Life and Mens Anthology.

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How to End the Year and Plan for the New Year in 7 Easy Steps

Yesterday, for the fun of it, I pulled three Tarot Cards from the Lifestyle section of MSN.com. I received the Five of Cups for the Challenges card. My question was, “What career path is right for me?” Here’s an excerpt:

When the Five of Cups is in this position, maximize what is left after loss. The receiver of this card received copious potential in the five cups shown, but three of them have been upended and their contents spilled into the earth. Whether it was carelessness or destiny that spilled these cups isn’t ultimately important.

The ending of the reading got me to think about this year and the challenges I faced. Actually, it’s been a challenging four years! Even though I have 3 cups that spilled, I still have 2 cups left. I can use them wisely to rebuild my resources. I can make the best of what is left and cultivate a new beginning. I can stay optimistic.

I use the word ‘plan’ in the title of this blog post very loosely. There’s a saying, “Man plans and God laughs.” True, you can’t plan everything in life; however, it helps if you have a ‘general idea’ of where it is you’re going or what you want to do. It also helps to Let Go and Let God which means … Throw your intentions out into the universe and release them. According to Les Brown, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” End the year with a little self-reflection and preparation for the New Year. Below you’ll find tips on how to do that.

How to End the Year and Plan for the New Year in 7 Easy Steps

1. Reflect on the year by asking the following questions:

  • What did I learn about myself that I didn’t already know?
  • What obstacles did I face? How did I overcome them?
  • What was good about this year?
  • What was not-so-good about this year?
  • What were the BIG LESSONS from this year? What did I learn from them?
  • How did I strengthen my spiritual growth?
  • How did I evolve?
  • What was my biggest success? What was my biggest blunder?
  • How did I self-sabotage myself this year? List the ways.
  • How many people moved out of my life? Why? What did I learn by them leaving?
  • How many people moved into my life? How did I draw them to me?
  • Anything else I might add.

2. If you moved during the year, remember the following, “When you move, you take yourself with you.” If you move again in the New Year, remember you take yourself wherever you go. Be mentally, emotionally and physically prepared to move.

3. Write letters to people who’ve hurt you or vice versa. Please do not mail these letters! This is an exercise for you to exercise these people from your mind.

4. Accept what happened during the year and release it. Do not carryover any grudges to the New Year. Forgive and let them go. What’s done is done. Learn from it and move on with your life.

5. Give thanks that you made it through another year. Be thankful you survived the year. The New Year is a blank slate. Do not take it for granted.

6. Become very clear about what it is you want for your life, for the New Year. Write down your dreams, hopes, and desires. Stop focusing on your current reality and start writing a script for your life. What does your life look like? What career do you have? Who’s in your family? What kinds of people surround you? Write it all down.

7. Focus and mediate on what your life will look like in the New Year. Once you become clear about what it is you want for your life, focus on it. Don’t focus on the how or when. Just focus!

Amandah

 

 

Top 10 Lessons from Those without Common Sense

Guest post from Amandah Blackwell.

I’m fascinated by people. I love to people watch and observe their behaviors and actions of those around me. Sometimes, I can’t believe what people do and say. I mean … Don’t people think? I guess not. Here is my Top 10 Lessons from Those without Common Sense.

Top 10 Lessons from Those without Common Sense

1. A woman calls an animal sister and says, “Hi! I’m Babette Regis, and my sister Bailey dropped off Gigi, a dachshund, and I’d I like to adopt her.”

Mistake #1: Posing as another person is illegal and known as fraud.

Mistake #2: Posing as another person is illegal and known as identity theft.

Effect #1: The manager of animal shelter calls Bailey (Gigi’s owner) and says, “Your sister Babette called to inquire about adopting Gigi.” Bailey says, “My sister is sitting next to me; it wasn’t her. It was my husband’s cousin’s meddling wife. Please don’t allow Gigi to be adopted by Babette. Please give her to a good loving home.” The manager says, “I had a bad feeling about Babette. I listened to my intuition and called you. Don’t worry; we have four families who are interested in adopting Gigi. They’re a better fit for Gigi.”

Effect #2: Babette could be placed on the “Do Not Adopt to These People” animal list because she lied about who she was. Also, Babette could be charged with fraud and identity theft for impersonating Bailey’s sister if she files charges against her (that would be a lot of work). FYI: When Babette’s mother-in-law finds out what she did, she’ll rip her ‘a new one’ because she’ll do anything to protect her son, Babette’s husband.

Lesson #1: “Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive?” ~ Sir Walter Scott

Lesson #2: Babette obviously isn’t aware of the law of cause and effect. For every action there is a reaction; for every cause there is an effect.

2. “You have no right to your thoughts and beliefs.”

FYI: Actually, you do have the right to your thoughts and beliefs. It would behoove you to examine your thoughts and beliefs and ask, “Where did these come from? Are these true for me?”

3. “Drank tequila shots — had two of them. Lol! Post from an 18-year-old college student on Facebook.

Mistake #1: Colleges and universities take underage drink seriously and peruse social media websites. They review profiles which are now used to determine if you’ll be accepted or not. This is how they ‘weed’ out incoming students because they want the best of the best. FYI: In 2011, you can be kicked out and or face a stiffer penalty for underage drinking.

Lesson: Stop posting your entire life on Facebook! Learn the art of discretion; otherwise, it could cost you more than you think it will.

4. “There’s no hope.” 

FYI: There’s always hope.

5. “It’s too late.”

FYI: It’s never too late.

6. “I didn’t do anything. It’s not my fault this happened to me.”

FYI: It is your fault — review your thoughts and beliefs. What do you tell yourself every day? How is or has your mind been shaped by your environment or the media? Nothing happens to you — you create your own reality.

7. “I’m not lucky.”

FYI: You create your own luck.

8. “Life is too hard.”

FYI: Life is what you make of it. Empty your head of self-sabotaging thoughts and may be life won’t be so hard.

9. “Life isn’t fair.”

FYI: Life is what you make of it. There is no such thing as life being fair or unfair. It’s up to you to take responsibility for your life. No one else can do it for you.

10. “I don’t know what happened to my money.”

FYI: If you spend more than what’s coming in every week or month, you won’t be able to pay your bills. Common sense says, “Create a budget. List your monthly income and expenses. You need to bring in enough or more money than what you spend.” Money is nothing but paper and coins. Cultivate a prosperity mindset and you’ll always have money flowing to you.

Yours,
Amandah T. Blackwell

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How to Focus on What You Want

Let me ask you something: How well do you focus on what you want? If you’re like me, you watched The Secret and read the book but haven’t manifested the life of your dreams. If you’re like me, you probably keep asking, “What am I doing wrong? Why isn’t the law of attraction working? How can I make it work for me?” I had a ‘light bulb’ moment (Aha moments are so 2000s), and came across the The Secret of Doing Without Doing by Dr. Robert Anthony.

How to focus on what you want

1. Think about what you want. Do you really and truly know what you want? You may think you know what you want, but you may actually not know what you want. Knowing what you want for your life is imperative. Write down everything you’d like from having peace of mind to a new home. Get clear about what you want.

2. Tune-out the negative hype. I’m reading *Outwitting the Devil, which is annotated by Sharon Lechter. You may be surprised how easy it is to ‘hypnotize’ people with hype. Look at the media. If you constantly tune-in to the news or read the newspapers, you’re programming your subconscious for negativity.

*Get the book from your library and read it. You’ll be amazed at what you read. The first two chapters are slow going; however, Chapter 3 A Strange Interview with the Devil will knock your socks off!

3. Stop listening to others. You don’t have to focus on what you family and close friends think and say. If the people closest to you constantly whine and complain, it may be time to surround you with people who are like-minded.

4. Learn to think for yourself. If you read Outwitting the Devil, you’ll learn how parents, teachers, religious leaders, bosses, co-workers, friends, etc. can easily influence your thoughts. I’ll use myself as an example. I was a rebellious child and teen. However, it wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized I was a ‘closet’ people pleaser. I did everything my mother and father told me to do, even though it never felt right. I allowed my father to control and manipulate me for a long time. It wasn’t until he got sick that the ‘wheels’ in my head began to turn. I realized I ‘wasted’ my entire life pleasing others instead of pleasing myself. This was a bitter pill to swallow. The irony is my father would say to me, “Did you think? Learn to think for yourself.” Talk about a contradiction!

I’ve been struggling lately with doing things that feel right for me. I just realized that I often put others needs before mine. Instead of saying, “How does this honor me?” I say, “What will so and so think? What will they feel?” I’m still not honoring me and my feelings. I think what happened was, I got tangled up in ‘spirituality now’ and forgot about me along the way. I now know I need to take my own advice and take my power back!

It’s never too late to break the cycle of people pleasing. Learn to set strong boundaries with people, no matter who they are. Stop allowing people to control and manipulate you.

5. Don’t apologize for wanting a better life. If your family and friends are stuck in ‘poverty’ mode, there’s no law that says you must join them. Don’t apologize for wanting a better life. Who knows, maybe you’ll inspire those around you to ‘clean up’ their lives. You can be the catalyst for them.

“Any idea, plan, or purpose may be placed in the mind through repetition of thought”. ~ Napoleon Hill

How to Dissolve Mind Viruses

A few weeks ago, I signed up for the Cultivating a Prosperity Mindset teleseminar from T. Harv Eker and Randy Gage. Randy was a high school dropout and served jail time at the age of 16. He always heard, “How can someone so smart be so dumb?” Randy’s mind was programmed with this mind virus. While he was in jail, a teacher visited him and said, “You don’t belong here. You take a test and earn a score like a college level. You’re a bright guy — you have the potential to do great things.” Randy wanted to believe him and he did. That’s how he began to change his life. Now, Randy’s a successful businessman.

Randy says, “You need someone who believes in you and that gives you the confidence to believe in yourself. We’re programmed not to stand out. In Australia, it’s known as “the tall poppy syndrome,” the tallest flower is the one that gets cut. We’re told don’t stand out, fit in, keep your head down and don’t get noticed. We’re programmed with these memes.” ~ Randy Gage

It makes it really hard, super hard to succeed when you’re in a negative and or non-supportive environment. Jim Rohn used to say, “Your income will be the average income of the five people you spend the most time with.” That’s not very encouraging when you’re surrounded by Negative Nina’s or Nick’s 24/7.

“You need to work on the root; otherwise, the fruits will be the same.” T. Harv Eker

3 Guiltiest Parties 

  • All governments. They need you to be needy. This keeps their power base.
  • Datasphere. TV, newspapers, blimps, internet, movies, etc. Many technologies create many mind viruses which travel the world within an hour.
  • Organized religion. The true message is love. However, there are elements within religions that hi-jack this concept such as, “Money is bad; Rich people are evil; and It’s spiritual to be poor.”

*I would add a fourth guilty party which is family. This is my belief. Listen to what your parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents and others say. Do they speak positive or negative words? Do they complain all of the time? Is the sky always falling? Is everything in their life hopeless? I can go on and on, but I think you get the point.

How to dissolve mind viruses

1. Limit the amount of time you spend with negative people. Or, learn to tune them out.

2. Accept responsibility for your life and decide to change it for the better.

3. Be willing to change your life; be willing to live a happier, more successful life. Stop worrying about what others will think. Who cares?

4. Create a positive consciousness before you leave the house. Read a book, listen to a meditation, do yoga, etc. to make sure you’re vibrating where you want to be.

“The secret to prosperity is to be able to be a critical thinker — examine your beliefs. Examine how you got them. Where did you get your ideas from? What makes sense for you? Are they supporting you to have a happier, more successful life? If your beliefs are true and serve you, they’ll withstand the skepticism and questioning. Most peoples’ core foundational beliefs were determined before you were 10-years-old; from parents, counselors, teachers, books, television, etc. You got your beliefs when you were five, six, seven-years-old. Now, you’re 35, 45 or 55 and wondering, “Why can’t I break through? Why am still struggling? Is it the economy? Is it my boss? Ninety-nine times out of 100 it’s self-sabotage because of your limiting beliefs.” ~ T. Harv Eker and Randy Gage.

You get what you expect. Do you expect to succeed or fail? Do expect that you can change your life? Do expect to have that deal go through? Do you expect trouble wherever you go? Do you expect your life will be hard? It will behoove you to examine your expectations.

“Environment is stronger than will power. For example, if you attend a Millionaire Mind Intensive, you’ll be surrounded by like-minded people. In three days, you’ll grow quickly and have such new insight about yourself and your life, about your own successes; that you can easily leave people behind. When that happens, they’re start negating you.” T. Harv Eker

Expect more because you’ll have a better chance of good things happening for you then if you expect less. It’s more supportive, and you’re happier by expecting more. You may not be wealthy tomorrow, but there’s a greater chance you’ll attract prosperity to you sooner rather than later. Stop expecting less! Change the way you think, change everything in your life.

Rebecca

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The Art of Saying and Meaning No

Yes... and No

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Question: How can I say “No” and mean it? I often say “Yes” when I want to say “No.” I’m sure my childhood has something to do with this. I could never speak up and say what I really felt. I always had to do stuff out of duty and obligation. It sucked!

Answer: The good news is you’re an adult and can say “No” and mean it. If the people in your life get mad or upset with you it’s their issue, not yours. To quote my law professor, “Too bad, so sad” which means it’s not your problem.

Many people say “Yes” when they want to say “No.” They say ‘Yes’ out of duty, obligation, or a sense of responsibility. Meanwhile they mumble under their breath as they bake cookies, cook a meal, drive a family member somewhere because they never learned how to drive, or whatever it is they agreed to do. Don’t be one of these people! You have every right to say “No” and mean it. The key is to be nice about it. There’s no reason to get snippy.

How to Say “No” and Mean It

1. Be polite. Remain calm and simply say “No, I can’t help this time.”

2. Don’t give an elaborate explanation. There’s no reason give a lengthy explanation as to ‘why’ you can’t help. If you’re busy or will be out-of-town, mention it. You could also say, “I’m overextended right now.” Otherwise, just say “No.”

3. Accept that people be mad or upset with you. You may have to push through your people-pleasing tendencies and get over it. You can’t and won’t please everyone all of the time. You must be willing to accept this and be alright with it. It’s not your job to keep people happy; it’s their job. If you can accept that saying “No” may tick-off family, friends, PTA members, co-workers, bosses, etc. you’ll have grasped the art of saying and meaning “no.”

Whenever you’re asked to do something, don’t do it because you feel you ‘have’ to. Simply say, “I’d love to help, but I can’t.” You don’t have to go into a lengthy explanation. Of course, if you’re going on vacation or will be out-of-town, you could mention it. Please don’t lie and say you’ll be out-of-town, when in fact, you won’t be. Lying is draining and unnecessary. Chances are you will get caught.

Rebecca

Family Objects to Woman’s Childless Lifestyle

RakuKind

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Question: How can you make people, and by people I mean family members, understand you don’t or have a desire to have children? I knew from a very early age I wouldn’t have kids; I even told my mom this. She said to me, “If you have no desire to have children don’t have them. It’s not fair to have children just for the sake of having children.”

I don’t want the responsibility of being a parent. I love my nieces and nephews and spend time with them, but I hear family and friends complain all of the time they can’t do this or that because they have kids. They get upset when no one volunteers to watch their kids or offers to watch them so they can go out for a nice dinner. Quite frankly, these people chose to have kids. Perhaps they should have thought about how much responsibility children are. I did. By the way, I have pets so I do have responsibility — I have ‘fur’ kids. Lol!

Answer: Unfortunately, you can’t make anyone see your point-of-view. As long as you’re comfortable with your decision not to have children that’s all that matters. Don’t keep explaining ‘why’ you don’t want to have kids. Your family and friends won’t understand because your life is not theirs. Simply say, “It’s my life” and let it go.

Your family may not believe this, but not every woman is meant to be a mother. You either have a deep calling to be a mom or you don’t. On the flip side, this doesn’t mean you wouldn’t make a great step-mom (if you wanted to) because chances are children split their time between mom and dad; unless, of course, dad has fully custody. It will behoove you to be open and honest with potential love interests when the subject of children comes up. If you have no desire to have children or even be a step-mom, speak up before you’re too deep into the relationship. It’s not fair to string someone along.

Rebecca

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Venting Can Be Good for the Soul

The Vent!

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Over the weekend, I discovered the website Vent!Vent! – Voice Your Complaint. I poked around the website and discovered that I’m not alone. Others have a need to ‘vent’ their complaints, opinions, and concerns. Ironically, the most vents are about various relationships from family to friends; from work to spouses; and everything in between. The bottom line is there’s a lot of venting going on!

Lately, I’ve been feeling the need to vent. Believe it or not, it’s good for the soul. You see, there’s a lot of things I’ve been holding inside of me that are coming up to the surface. Have you ever felt like this? I’ve done the ‘letter exercise’ where you write a letter to the person(s) who’ve caused you grief but it doesn’t help. I journal almost every day but that’s not really helping me either. I can feel and know I need to voice my thoughts and feelings. Keeping it bottled up inside isn’t working. Pretending that everything is ‘a-okay’ isn’t working either. It’s time for me to let it out!

Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I’m talking to you, come on
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Tears for Fears

How do you feel when you keep your feelings and thoughts to yourself? How healthy is it? It’s not healthy. In fact, dis-ease could settle into your body. Here are some exercises you can do to release anything that’s irking you or has irked you for a long time:

  • Scream at the top of your lungs.
  • Scream at the top of a mountain.
  • Ask a close confidant if you can vent. Make sure you reciprocate.
  • Hold a Venting Party (in home or virtual) where you and your friends take one minute to five minutes to vent. Have a ‘potluck’ dinner, hire a manicurist/pedicurist, masseuse, Reiki practitioner, etc. Make it a girls night out!

Get everything out of your system; don’t hold back. You’ll feel better once your give voice to your thoughts and feelings. And, sometimes you need to set the record straight. Instead of stewing about your feelings, speak to the person who caused you grief. Make sure you use “I” statements and voice how you feel. For example, “I felt bad after you made fun of my hair color.” Beginning with a “you” statement will put the person on the defensive. For example, “You made me feel bad when you made fun of my new hair color.” Do you feel and see the difference? The person may or may not understand their actions. Be aware — you may not receive an apology. However, at least the person knows how you feel, and you’ll be able to move on.

What do you need to vent? Share.

Rebecca

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The Bottom Line with Rebecca: Don’t Shorten My Name

One of my pet peeves is people who like to shorten my name. Why do you feel the need to do this? I’m sorry but Becca isn’t flattering to me. And don’t call me Becky! I asked my mom, sister, and other family members to stop calling me this. This one is my mom’s fault because she called me Becky when I was little. However, I’m not five-years-old anymore! I do, however, like Beck. He is a great singer! I’m not found of Becks either, even though it’s the name of a popular beer. These days I prefer a fine wine to a beer. Unless, of course, I have a Guinness or McEwan Lager from a cheeky pub in the UK or Ireland! If you shorten my name, I’ll gently and politely correct you and tell you my name is Rebecca!

I would never shorten a person’s name. Why would I? What gives me the right to do so? It’s your name. Like it or not, our name is important to us. Some people may disagree and say you’re more than your name. Duh! (Stole that from Charlie). Of course you are. However, your name is important when you’re living on planet Earth. That’s how we roll.

The next time you have the urge to shorten a person’s name, you may want to think about it. They may not appreciate being called Kathy when they’re name is Katherine or Kathleen. They may not like being called Robbie when their name is Robert or Roberta. Learn to respect another person’s wishes and for heaven’s sake don’t take it personally. After all, it’s not about you!

Rebecca

P.S.
If someone is shortening your name and you don’t like it, speak up. There’s no need to be rude about it. Remember, most people aren’t psychic (or haven’t developed this skill) or mind readers. You have to tell them what you expect to be called. Otherwise, you’ll be called all sorts of names!

The Bottom Line with Rebecca

I’m starting a ‘new series’ called The Bottom Line with Rebecca. I’m a ‘big picture’ person who doesn’t like to get caught up in the details. It’s not that details aren’t important but if you spend a lot time on them, you could get lost. I like when people get to the point, make it, and move on. For example, many people provide videos that don’t get to the point. They give you a lot of details without providing substance. What’s the point? What are you trying to say? What are you trying to teach? Getting lost within the details slows life down. Again, details have their place, but sometimes it’s better to take a view from 30,000 feet in order adjust the details when necessary.

I’m carrying The Bottom Line with Rebecca series over to Savvy-Writer.com, my freelance writing website. I’ll ‘bottom line’ freelance writing, screenwriting, social media, tips for solo professionals, and much more.

What topics will be included in The Bottom Line with Rebecca series?

Personal development
Professional development
Personal finances
Environment and conservation
Relationships
Pop Culture
Travel

Stay tuned for The Bottom Line with Rebecca series!

Rebecca