Help! Gaining Weight Sucks

I moved to Arizona aka The Grand Canyon State in September 2007. While I was there, I reached my goal weight of 115 lbs. and clothing size 2; I’m 5 ft. 8 in. Living in Arizona meant I was able to purchase organic fruits and vegetables (not costly), and of course, hike the beautiful mountains. When you hike 7-days a week in 80+ degrees, you’re bound to lose weight. Fast forward to July 2010, and I had to move back to Ohio from Arizona. This was devastating for me because I took everything I had (financially) to move to Arizona. I absolutely loved being in the state because of the weather, the parks, people, proximity to California, Mexico, and Nevada, the Arizona Humane Society, bookstores, and much more. I thoroughly enjoyed living in Arizona.

I slowly gained weight since late 2009 because I had fearful thoughts (relatives contributed to this) of having to move back to cold, rainy, and snowy Ohio. And, certain family members kept ‘bugging’ me about “how and why I could live over 2,000 miles” away from my family. Guilt slowly crept into my mind and moving back to Ohio became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Since Ohio weather is not ideal for me, I’ve slacked off with my workouts. It’s May, and I still have the electric heater on (it’s on right now) along with my electric blanket. I also redeveloped some bad eating habits since living with my mom like eating dark chocolate, cookies, candy, potato chips, and ice cream now and again (I since stopped this). When I lived in Arizona, I used to treat myself to Gelato, but I never bought a container of it to keep in my freezer. I would get a small bag of Baked Lays to go with my Veggie Sub from Subway. The only time I bought a regular sized bag is when I had a coupon and a craving for the chips.

I’m highly disappointed and ashamed of myself. How could I let this happen? Why did it happen? Why am I gaining belly fat? What can I do to stop it? Why didn’t moving to Arizona work out? How do I get back to the state I love so much? I felt and still feel a deep connection to the Southwest. I’ve also developed a connection to the South. I’m a Leo, maybe it’s the fire sign in me that’s drawn to warm and sunny areas of the U.S.

I worked very hard to reach my desired weight. Some people (my mom) thought I was too thin but that’s not my problem. I loved the way I looked! Right now, not so much.

Today, I was supposed to participate in lobbying for Ohio’s animals (I may as well do something good while I’m here), but none of my ‘professional’ clothes fit me! My clothing sizes range from 2, 4, and 6; there’s no way I could get into my size 2. I couldn’t get into my size 4 skirt or 6 dress pants; I can get into my size 6 khakis! I’m very, very upset about this. I refuse to purchase new clothes in a bigger size when I have a wardrobe box filled with perfectly good clothing. I will get back into my old clothes.

It seems like my body has changed; I know it changes every seven years. It seems like I have more belly fat than usual. I know stress (I’m super stressed) causes belly fat. But, I don’t understand how I could gain 40 lbs. in a short amount of time. I even became a vegetarian! I could understand if I ate chips, fast foods, chocolate, candy, cookies, cakes, etc. every day, but I don’t. What has happened? Am I so stressed out that the weight won’t budge?

I’m doing my best to ‘psyche’ myself up to work out but it’s so frickin’ cold outside that I have no desire to. When lived in Arizona, I used to ‘bounce’ outside the door and walk to the post office or the park that was close to me; this was in 80+ degree weather. I loved being a dog walker for AHS and hiking South Mountain Park. I was highly active and loved being outside; I love nature! It’s no wonder the weight fell off of me. I wasn’t stressed at the time, and I was in a place that really felt like home.

Sigh…

Rebecca

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